The Grief Journey, Volume 12

The first year of bereavement often brings raw pain, disbelief, and the agony of facing a new reality. These are emotions many of us have never experienced before — or at least not with such depth.

After the first year, grief is often not quite as intense. Many of the “firsts” no longer knock us off balance in the same way. You may even feel better and think the worst is over.

Generally, it is — but healing is often not as complete as we hope it will be.

Understanding This Next Season of Grief

It helps to understand this stage of grieving and to learn new ways of coping. Lowering expectations of yourself, continuing to take gentle steps forward, and holding onto hope are essential. Grief is different for everyone — like fingerprints or snowflakes, no two experiences are alike.

Do not compare yourself to others or place yourself on a timetable.

Some of the following observations may help you navigate what comes next.

Common Experiences After the First Year

• A deeper sense of reality may emerge as the long-term implications of the loss become clearer.

• You may begin grappling with new life patterns and routines.

• Support is still vital — whether through trusted friends, a support group, or a grief coach.

• Tears may come less often, but when they do, they remain therapeutic.

• Ongoing or worsening physical symptoms deserve medical attention.

Caring for Yourself Moving Forward

• Sleep disturbances are common; limiting caffeine and alcohol and incorporating gentle exercise can help.

• Regularly check for balance in your life — work, rest, recreation, and spiritual care.

• Depression may return or appear for the first time; this is not unusual.

• Feelings of being “out of control” or “going crazy” can still arise — grief work takes far longer than we expect.

• Be mindful of self-criticism and lowered self-esteem. You are doing hard, meaningful work.

• Wanting to appear strong for others can become a stumbling block. It is okay to need help.

You may notice that friends expect you to be “over it” by now. This can lead to feelings of abandonment. Seek out people who understand grief and are willing to listen.

Loneliness may surface as you look ahead to life without your loved one. New connections, meaningful work, and cherished memories can help sustain you.

Guilt, anger, and unanswered questions may still arise. Acknowledging these feelings — rather than suppressing them — is an important part of healing.

There may be moments when you feel as though you are slipping backward. Remember how far you have already come. Be patient and kind with yourself.

Continuing Support

As this series concludes, remember that grief does not end simply because a year has passed. Support is still available. CoachRev continues to walk alongside individuals navigating grief, offering companionship, perspective, and encouragement as the journey unfolds.

You do not have to do this alone.

Continuing to wish you peace and steadiness on the road ahead,
Lee

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The Grief Journey, Volume 11

In the master plan of life, we are seldom made aware of its blueprint. We build our lives on the foundation of love, securing it with the mortar of guiding hands and hearts. With time and the many experiences that shape us, we build a home.

And home is where the heart is.

When Special Days Feel Different

Holidays and anniversaries are often filled with picture-perfect scenes and expectations. They can mask the real feelings that surface as you face these days without your loved one.

Traditions may no longer feel the same, especially those you created together. Too often, we cover our true emotions “for the sake of others,” even when our hearts are heavy. Every room in our mind holds rich memories — both joyful and painful — waiting for the heart to unlock the door.

A Natural Response to Loss

It is a perfectly natural response to feel depressed, withdrawn, or emotionally tender before and during holidays or anniversaries. What were once moments of shared joy can now become times of loneliness and sorrow.

You may find yourself feeling alone, even when surrounded by people.

When Others Feel Uncomfortable

Often, those around you are unsure how to respond. Some may worry they will say the wrong thing and unintentionally cause pain, so they keep their distance. Others may attempt to minimize your loss with phrases like, “Life goes on,” or, “It’s time to move forward.”

Some people may still be wrestling with their own unresolved grief and simply are not able to talk about it openly.

Unlocking the Heart Through Sharing

The key to unlocking the heart’s door is sharing — sharing with someone who genuinely wants to listen.

A gathering is meant to be a time to celebrate, to care, and to connect. It is also a time to reflect and to invite others into your memories. Both the joyful and the painful memories deserve space. Sharing them is part of the healing process.

Reminiscing can be emotionally draining. Tears may come easily, and emotions may rise unexpectedly. Yet this is part of catharsis — a cleansing of the soul. By remembering and sharing, we begin to ease the weight of grief.

Living With Grief, Not Over It

Unlocking the door of the heart does not mean memories will fade. What it does mean is that the journey of life may become easier to travel.

We do not “get over” grief. Instead, we work toward reconciling ourselves to living with it.

Holidays and anniversaries naturally bring a resurgence of loss and sadness. Acknowledging these feelings and gently moving toward them is healthier than attempting to repress or deny them.

Wishing you peace, especially during those difficult days,
Lee

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In the first few months after the death of a loved one, the body often seems to shut down many activities that once felt routine. Emotionally, the mind may withdraw from the outside world. Though this can be unsettling — and sometimes misunderstood by others — it is a normal response to loss.

When we are injured physically, we do not question the need for rest. Recuperation is simply understood as part of healing. Surgical scars often fade with time and eventually move into the background of our lives.

An emotional injury can be just as painful.
The scars of the heart, however, are not always visible — and they rarely fade away completely.

The Role of Introspection in Grief

Introspection is the ability to look inward — to reflect, to turn experiences around in the mind, and to begin putting them into some kind of order so that meaning can slowly emerge.

It is only after a great deal of introspection that we begin to truly live with our grief.

This is not an easy journey, as we have explored in previous issues of Stepping Stones. How we allow our attitudes to shape our perspective makes the difference between seeing life clearly or seeing it as gray, dismal, and distorted by pain.

The following reflection was written by Susan Sellgren, an experienced hospice nurse. It reflects both her professional insight and her personal experience with loss.

Releasing and Letting Go

by Susan Sellgren

It is often said that time heals all wounds, as if time alone is responsible for healing. For some losses — a first disappointment or the death of a childhood pet — the passage of time may be enough.

However, time alone is not sufficient for healing the grief that follows the death of a loved one.

The ability to release and let go is often the final step in recovery through the grief process. This “grief work” requires long periods of painful self-examination, including reflection on the relationship with the deceased and on present relationships.

There are no easy shortcuts through bereavement.

Often, unresolved issues resurface — anger, anxiety, guilt, shame, indifference, relief — along with profound changes in self-identity. These experiences are part of the work of grieving.

Letting Go as a Daily Choice

Releasing and letting go is not a single decision, but a day-by-day choice made throughout bereavement.

One may choose to remain angry, bitter, or despondent — or one may choose to grow, learn, and adapt to the inevitable changes that follow loss.

At this stage of my life, it is interesting to be writing about letting go. My work as a hospice nurse has taught me that relationships with the families I serve are transient, yet deeply meaningful.

I mourn the losses of clients, reflect on how I might have served them better, and consider how I could have been more sensitive to unspoken needs. At the same time, I am mourning the impending loss of my father to terminal cancer.

Living with death and dying in both my professional and personal life has made me more empathetic and humble in the presence of grief. There are no pat answers.

To release and let go, for me, means being willing to learn from past mistakes, to love the memory of the deceased, and to adapt to who I am now.

I believe these three things are essential ingredients for meaningful bereavement.

Continuing to wish you much peace,
Lee

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Grief is deeply personal, and people who have not experienced it often struggle to understand what it truly feels like. At this stage in your grieving, you may be hearing words that suggest how you should be living or remind you of the possibilities that lie ahead.

Taking Ownership of Your Grief

Do not allow others — no matter how much they care — to tell you how to grieve, what you should feel, or how long it should take. It is okay to take charge and let others know what you need and don’t need right now.

Finding Your Voice

It can help to prepare a few simple responses for moments when advice feels hurtful or overwhelming. Asking for time to think or choosing to respond later gives you space and control.

Sharing Memories and Stories

Taking the lead in talking about your loved one can be healing. Over time, you may hesitate to ask others to listen again. This is one reason grief support groups can be especially helpful — everyone there understands the need to share.

When Relationships Change

Grief can shift relationships. Be gentle with yourself and with others, and remember that even those closest to you cannot read your mind. Let them know what you truly need.

(Your quoted example fits beautifully here.)

Moving Forward With Intention

Take charge of your grief. Face it. Educate others. Experience it fully, and trust that healing will come in its own time.

May your journey be filled with peace,
Lee

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Grief is hard work.
It is personal, demanding, and often isolating.

Grief is as unique as the fingerprints of our soul. In loss, we may find ourselves wandering through unfamiliar territory, carrying memories of what was while trying to make sense of what now is. In these moments, friendship becomes more than comfort — it becomes a lifeline.

Why Friendship Matters in Grief

At first, you may need many listening ears. Over time, what often matters most are just a few trusted friends — companions who will stay with you for the long journey toward healing.

As Pat Schwiebert, Executive Director of GriefWatch, reminds us, “Grief needs a face.” For some, reaching out comes naturally. For others, the instinct is to withdraw and hide away. While time alone can be important, prolonged isolation often makes grief harder to bear. Finding balance between solitude and connection is key.

The Gift of Being Truly Known

Friends who have laughed and cried with us understand the depth of our love for the one who has died. They hold pieces of our story that are precious and grounding. Their presence reminds us that the love we shared was real and witnessed.

We need friends with open arms — those who will offer comfort when we feel untouchable.
We need friends with open ears — those who will listen without judgment and remain steady even when our words are messy or raw.

Sometimes, we need friends who can help us face feelings of guilt, anger, or bitterness. Being accompanied during these dark moments can bring quiet relief as we begin to absorb the weight of our emotions.

Presence Over Answers

Perhaps the greatest gift a friend can offer is simply being there. Sitting beside us. Holding a hand. Listening without rushing us toward solutions.

Friends help us find moments of peace — not by erasing our pain, but by helping us carry it. Their willingness to hear our stories of love and loss validates our grief and creates space for healing.

Finding Support That Fits You

Support comes in many forms. Some find it in close friends or family. Others turn to clergy, counselors, or grief support groups. What matters most is finding support that feels safe and accessible for you — and allowing yourself to receive it.

Wishing you many great listeners and gentle companions,
Lee

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Grieving is hard work.
It is physically taxing, mentally demanding, and spiritually challenging.

I can’t think of any other work that compares to grief’s intensity or its impact. The exhaustion that comes with grieving can feel similar to the fatigue after heavy physical labor — except it lingers, and there is no clear finish line.

How Grief Affects the Body

Grief does not live only in our emotions.
It lives in our bodies.

The physical toll of grief often surprises people. Many of these reactions are sometimes mistaken for strictly medical problems, when they may actually be part of the body’s natural response to loss.

Below are some common physical symptoms of grief.

Common Physical Symptoms of Grief

• Chest pains or heart-related sensations

• Dizziness

• Dry mouth

• An empty or hollow feeling in the stomach

• Fatigue or lack of energy

• A sensation of something “stuck” in the throat

• Headaches

• Difficulty sleeping

• Sleeping much more than usual

• Loss of sexual desire, or at times an unusually increased sexual desire

• Weight loss or weight gain

• Nausea or vomiting

• Increased allergic reactions

• Oversensitivity to noise

• Restlessness or purposeless activity

• Hyperactivity

• Shortness of breath

• Trembling

• Uncontrollable sighing or sobbing

• Muscle weakness

• Gastrointestinal symptoms such as constipation, diarrhea, or excessive gas

Any of these symptoms can be a normal part of grieving. They are ways the body responds to the profound stress of losing someone we love.

When to Seek Medical Care

If physical symptoms persist, worsen, or become very uncomfortable, it is important to make an appointment with your physician.

Be sure to tell them that you have experienced a recent major loss. Grief does not replace medical care — but it deserves to be considered as part of the picture.

When the Body Mirrors the Loss

Some people notice physical symptoms similar to those experienced by the person who died. For example, if your loved one died from a heart attack, you may notice chest discomfort. If they died from a brain tumor, headaches may increase.

This can be an unconscious way of identifying with the person who died and feeling close to them. It is another way the body expresses grief.

Your Body Is Communicating With You

Right now, you may not feel in control of how your body is responding. Your body is communicating the stress and sorrow you are carrying.

While these experiences can feel frightening, they are usually temporary.

You are not broken.
Your body is grieving too.

Wishing you comfort and health,
Lee

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