The Community Advocate – Life Coach, Rev. Lee Atherton

Lee Atherton — Sun, 28 Feb 2021 23:02:21 +0000

Marlborough-based End-of-Life Coach Rev. Lee Atherton: Driven by Faith

Reverend Lee Atherton is a professional officiant and life coach. She offers highly personalized services for anyone facing one of life’s momentous transitions.
Inclusive and welcoming, Atherton believes that no matter who you are or where you are on life’s journey, you are welcome. An ordained minister and former hospice chaplain, she founded CoachRev @The CrossRoads nearly a decade ago to help others navigate and honor life’s transitions and milestones – meeting them at whatever crossroad in their lives.
“I will help guide your journey to discover what is most meaningful for you and for those you love,” Atherton explained, “before, during, and after death.”

Helping people live their dying

As a trained end-of-life coach, Atherton “helps people live their dying, make decisions and choices that honor their unique values and beliefs, and navigate the white waters of grief with hope and grace.”
Atherton remarks that her work is tremendously fulfilling. She calls it powerful. Amazing.
“It is such an incredible honor to be invited into someone’s end-of-life journey,” she added. “It is hard to put words around the experience.”
She coaches those grieving both in-person and online. Her monthly online newsletter “Stepping Stones” and daily emails (under the header “Tossed Pebbles”) offer messages of comfort, encouragement, and thoughtful reflection.

Workshops on the ‘Five Wishes’

Atherton also conducts workshops centered on the “Five Wishes” advanced medical directives and offers customized retreats, workshops, and webinars to support those grieving.
“It is so important to make these critical decisions in the living room, not the hospital room,” Atherton said.

Service dog Shadow – an integral partner

Atherton’s Black Lab service dog, Shadow, is an integral partner in the CoachRev team, helping others in desperate need.
Shadow accompanied Atherton last fall to visiting hours for a 21-year-old woman who had taken her life. There were people so shocked by this young woman’s passing they couldn’t speak or intermingle.
“Shadow senses anxiety and stress. He sat next to several guests and put his head on their laps. He helped them relax. They opened up to him about how they were feeling. That’s what I call a ‘God incident,’ when something bigger is at work.”

Atherton as Fire Chaplain

In her “spare” time, Atherton volunteers as a chaplain for the Hudson and Littleton Fire Departments is a member of the Massachusetts Corps of Fire Chaplains and serves on a Critical Incident Stress Management Crisis (CISM) team. CISM teams throughout the state and the country respond to first responders who have experienced a crisis.
Certified as a CISM response dog and an instrumental partner in the CoachRev team, Shadow is also present, helping firefighters and other first responders, as well as other individuals and family members touched by tragedy.

Methods of self-care

“Staying grounded has a lot to do with family and the outdoor world,” Atherton said, adding, “I love gardening, growing things, and watching the koi in my fishpond.
She advises others, “Take care of yourself in the midst of it all. Be aware of how you feel and what you need. Don’t be afraid to step back. Pause when you need that moment of stillness. Do things for yourself that will help keep your emotional well from running dry.”
Shadow would probably add if they haven’t already done so, discover the unconditional love of a pet.
To learn more about Lee Atherton and CoachRev @The CrossRoads, visit www.CoachRev.com or email Lee@CoachRev.com.

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GRIEVING AND THE HOLIDAYS

Lee Atherton — Mon, 23 Nov 2020 20:14:28 +0000

Holidays, whether religious or secular, are especially painful for those who are grieving. The death of someone you love can make this “most wonderful time of the year” anything but joyful and bright.

Grieving During the Holidays

Grieving this last year in the midst of Covid-19 has left many feeling more isolated and lonely than ever. Our nation is at unrest. If you are also in the midst of grief, this time of year is downright painful. And the very nature of the holidays (for example, giving thanks at Thanksgiving) seems impossible for the grieving person to embrace. There’s the empty chair, the missing laugh, and the gifts that aren’t given or received.

As Thanksgiving is drawing near, I am mindful of past holidays and I feel pangs of grief for family and friends who won’t join our celebrations. I’ve found it helpful to share stories of holidays past. Reminiscing about the year Dad kept sneaking holiday cookies when he thought no one was watching, or the joy and excitement Mum had when we opened her gifts that were wrapped so long ago she wasn’t sure what they were.

How to Celebrate the Holidays while Grieving

There is no “right way” to celebrate a holiday after the death of a loved one. As you plan your holiday gatherings or festivities, think about those things that will be most challenging and try to plan ahead for them. What are the things that will most trigger my sadness? How will I respond when I want to cry? What can I do to be ready? Most importantly, don’t add the words “I ought to” or “I should” to your plans. Be gentle with yourself. It is ok to say “no” and say it often. You may wish to change some of your family traditions this year and return to those that are most meaningful next year or the year after. You might consider changing meal times, or what foods to have, or even decorating differently – or maybe not.

Consider memorializing your loved one’s life with a new holiday tradition. I have found such new traditions helpful in starting difficult conversations and bringing closure. Choose something that was important to and would have meaning for your loved o. “I purchased a gift for my husband and then donated it to charity,” and “We displayed a single rose on the fireplace mantle throughout the holiday” are two examples from families I’ve worked with.

Tips to Help

Keep these things in mind as the holidays near:

A grieving body is under a lot of physical stress and becomes more susceptible to illness and fatigue.
It’s ok to feel sad. Don’t be surprised. It’s ok to feel good too. Give yourself permission to laugh or cry.
Let family and friends know what you can handle and not handle. Choose people to be around who you feel comfortable with, someone you can be yourself with.
Don’t do more than you want, and don’t do anything that does not serve your soul and your loss.
Do allow time for feelings. Don’t keep feelings bottled up. If you have 500 tears to cry don’t stop at 250.

As the season comes upon us, I want you to know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. Feel free to reach out if I can be a support for you or your family.