The Grief Journey, Volume 12

The first year of bereavement often brings raw pain, disbelief, and the agony of facing a new reality. These are emotions many of us have never experienced before — or at least not with such depth.

After the first year, grief is often not quite as intense. Many of the “firsts” no longer knock us off balance in the same way. You may even feel better and think the worst is over.

Generally, it is — but healing is often not as complete as we hope it will be.

Understanding This Next Season of Grief

It helps to understand this stage of grieving and to learn new ways of coping. Lowering expectations of yourself, continuing to take gentle steps forward, and holding onto hope are essential. Grief is different for everyone — like fingerprints or snowflakes, no two experiences are alike.

Do not compare yourself to others or place yourself on a timetable.

Some of the following observations may help you navigate what comes next.

Common Experiences After the First Year

• A deeper sense of reality may emerge as the long-term implications of the loss become clearer.

• You may begin grappling with new life patterns and routines.

• Support is still vital — whether through trusted friends, a support group, or a grief coach.

• Tears may come less often, but when they do, they remain therapeutic.

• Ongoing or worsening physical symptoms deserve medical attention.

Caring for Yourself Moving Forward

• Sleep disturbances are common; limiting caffeine and alcohol and incorporating gentle exercise can help.

• Regularly check for balance in your life — work, rest, recreation, and spiritual care.

• Depression may return or appear for the first time; this is not unusual.

• Feelings of being “out of control” or “going crazy” can still arise — grief work takes far longer than we expect.

• Be mindful of self-criticism and lowered self-esteem. You are doing hard, meaningful work.

• Wanting to appear strong for others can become a stumbling block. It is okay to need help.

You may notice that friends expect you to be “over it” by now. This can lead to feelings of abandonment. Seek out people who understand grief and are willing to listen.

Loneliness may surface as you look ahead to life without your loved one. New connections, meaningful work, and cherished memories can help sustain you.

Guilt, anger, and unanswered questions may still arise. Acknowledging these feelings — rather than suppressing them — is an important part of healing.

There may be moments when you feel as though you are slipping backward. Remember how far you have already come. Be patient and kind with yourself.

Continuing Support

As this series concludes, remember that grief does not end simply because a year has passed. Support is still available. CoachRev continues to walk alongside individuals navigating grief, offering companionship, perspective, and encouragement as the journey unfolds.

You do not have to do this alone.

Continuing to wish you peace and steadiness on the road ahead,
Lee

The post After the First Year of Grief: What Comes Next? appeared first on CoachRev.

Grief is hard work.
It is personal, demanding, and often isolating.

Grief is as unique as the fingerprints of our soul. In loss, we may find ourselves wandering through unfamiliar territory, carrying memories of what was while trying to make sense of what now is. In these moments, friendship becomes more than comfort — it becomes a lifeline.

Why Friendship Matters in Grief

At first, you may need many listening ears. Over time, what often matters most are just a few trusted friends — companions who will stay with you for the long journey toward healing.

As Pat Schwiebert, Executive Director of GriefWatch, reminds us, “Grief needs a face.” For some, reaching out comes naturally. For others, the instinct is to withdraw and hide away. While time alone can be important, prolonged isolation often makes grief harder to bear. Finding balance between solitude and connection is key.

The Gift of Being Truly Known

Friends who have laughed and cried with us understand the depth of our love for the one who has died. They hold pieces of our story that are precious and grounding. Their presence reminds us that the love we shared was real and witnessed.

We need friends with open arms — those who will offer comfort when we feel untouchable.
We need friends with open ears — those who will listen without judgment and remain steady even when our words are messy or raw.

Sometimes, we need friends who can help us face feelings of guilt, anger, or bitterness. Being accompanied during these dark moments can bring quiet relief as we begin to absorb the weight of our emotions.

Presence Over Answers

Perhaps the greatest gift a friend can offer is simply being there. Sitting beside us. Holding a hand. Listening without rushing us toward solutions.

Friends help us find moments of peace — not by erasing our pain, but by helping us carry it. Their willingness to hear our stories of love and loss validates our grief and creates space for healing.

Finding Support That Fits You

Support comes in many forms. Some find it in close friends or family. Others turn to clergy, counselors, or grief support groups. What matters most is finding support that feels safe and accessible for you — and allowing yourself to receive it.

Wishing you many great listeners and gentle companions,
Lee

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Grieving is hard work.
It is physically taxing, mentally demanding, and spiritually challenging.

I can’t think of any other work that compares to grief’s intensity or its impact. The exhaustion that comes with grieving can feel similar to the fatigue after heavy physical labor — except it lingers, and there is no clear finish line.

How Grief Affects the Body

Grief does not live only in our emotions.
It lives in our bodies.

The physical toll of grief often surprises people. Many of these reactions are sometimes mistaken for strictly medical problems, when they may actually be part of the body’s natural response to loss.

Below are some common physical symptoms of grief.

Common Physical Symptoms of Grief

• Chest pains or heart-related sensations

• Dizziness

• Dry mouth

• An empty or hollow feeling in the stomach

• Fatigue or lack of energy

• A sensation of something “stuck” in the throat

• Headaches

• Difficulty sleeping

• Sleeping much more than usual

• Loss of sexual desire, or at times an unusually increased sexual desire

• Weight loss or weight gain

• Nausea or vomiting

• Increased allergic reactions

• Oversensitivity to noise

• Restlessness or purposeless activity

• Hyperactivity

• Shortness of breath

• Trembling

• Uncontrollable sighing or sobbing

• Muscle weakness

• Gastrointestinal symptoms such as constipation, diarrhea, or excessive gas

Any of these symptoms can be a normal part of grieving. They are ways the body responds to the profound stress of losing someone we love.

When to Seek Medical Care

If physical symptoms persist, worsen, or become very uncomfortable, it is important to make an appointment with your physician.

Be sure to tell them that you have experienced a recent major loss. Grief does not replace medical care — but it deserves to be considered as part of the picture.

When the Body Mirrors the Loss

Some people notice physical symptoms similar to those experienced by the person who died. For example, if your loved one died from a heart attack, you may notice chest discomfort. If they died from a brain tumor, headaches may increase.

This can be an unconscious way of identifying with the person who died and feeling close to them. It is another way the body expresses grief.

Your Body Is Communicating With You

Right now, you may not feel in control of how your body is responding. Your body is communicating the stress and sorrow you are carrying.

While these experiences can feel frightening, they are usually temporary.

You are not broken.
Your body is grieving too.

Wishing you comfort and health,
Lee

The post The Physical Symptoms of Grief: When Your Body Is Mourning Too appeared first on CoachRev.

Have you ever asked yourself that question? It is probably the question I’m asked most often. For many people, grief is uncharted territory and deeply unsettling. The death of someone you love can feel so overwhelming that you begin to question your own sanity.

The loss of someone close can quickly turn the world into an unfamiliar place. What once felt routine becomes exhausting. Even the simplest tasks may feel daunting. Emotions can be so strong and intense that many grievers believe they are the only ones feeling this way — or that something is wrong with them.

I want to reassure you: you are not going crazy.

The feelings you are having are normal responses to an abnormal event. Unless you are planning to harm yourself or someone else, almost anything you feel is considered normal in grief. You are not alone. By understanding this truth, we take our first steps toward living with our grief.

In her book A Journey Through Grief: Gentle, Specific Help to Get You Through the Most Difficult Stages of Grief, Alla Reneé Bozarth, Ph.D. writes:

“While you are grieving, your emotional life may be unpredictable and unstable. You may feel that there are gaps in your remembered experience… You may alternate between depression and euphoria, between wailing rage and passive resignation. If you’ve experienced loss and are hurting, it’s reasonable that your responses will be unreasonable.”

Common Experiences That Can Feel Alarming

There are many experiences that can cause grievers to wonder if they are “going crazy.” These include:

Utter exhaustion and confusion
Tasks that once required little thought — mailing a letter, buying milk — can feel monumental. Simply imagining the steps involved can leave a griever utterly depleted.

Grief knows no schedule
Grief will never fit neatly into an appointment book. You may be enjoying a moment of normalcy when a sudden wave of grief arrives without warning. This is common.

Time distortion
Losing track of time — or even the day — is not unusual.

Crying and sobbing
Tears may come unexpectedly and feel uncontrollable.

Dreams
Many people dream about the person who has died.

Obsessive review
You may feel a strong need to tell your story again and again.

Transitional objects
Holding or embracing objects that belonged to your loved one can bring comfort.

Mystical experiences
Smelling familiar scents, sensing presence, seeing or hearing your loved one, or feeling physical sensations are ways the mind attempts to make sense of loss. These experiences are widely shared among mourners and are considered normal.

The truth is that very few grieving people ever “go crazy,” and most do not require psychiatric treatment. What they are experiencing is grief — and with time, it becomes more manageable.

Wishing you peace and calm as you journey,
Lee

The post Am I Going Crazy? Understanding What Grief Really Feels Like appeared first on CoachRev.

Not long ago, I had the joy of joining the One Conscious Love Network for a conversation about the work I feel most called to do, end-of-life and grief coaching. What unfolded was less of an “interview” and more of a heart-to-heart about love, life, and the ways we can make even death sacred.

Before we began recording, she let me know the questions she’d ask, including, “What does One Conscious Love mean to you?” I had no idea how I’d answer until we got to that part of the interview.

How would you answer? Comment below – I’d love to hear!

Joining the Journey of Life and Death

When people ask me what I do, it’s never a short answer. I wear many hats:

• I am an end-of-life and grief coach, walking with individuals and families through the tender seasons of dying and mourning.
• I am a first responder chaplain, showing up on some of life’s hardest days.
• I am a service dog owner and advocate, having experienced firsthand how service dogs can save lives. That passion has grown into founding Phoenix Rising, a nonprofit dedicated to connecting people with life-saving service dogs.
• And I am an ordained minister in the United Church of Christ, where—through a series of what I call “God-incidences”—I now serve a congregation that itself has known profound loss.

At first glance, these roles may seem scattered. But in truth, they are all about the same thing: helping people live fully—whether that’s in the midst of new possibilities, heartbreaking loss, or at the threshold of death itself.

Living Your Dying

One of the phrases I use often is that I help people “live their dying.” Too often, when someone hears the words “terminal diagnosis” or begins hospice care, it feels like the end. As if all that’s left is waiting. But dying is still living.

I once worked with a man in his early forties who went from feeling he was in perfect health on Christmas Day to a stage four cancer diagnosis by New Year’s Eve. He had only months left to live. In our conversations, he shared regrets and hopes—wishing he could reconcile with his estranged children, meet his favorite author, and go fishing one last time.

Together, we made those wishes happen. His children forgave and embraced him. The author came to visit. And, a week before his death, we loaded him into an ambulance for that final fishing trip.

That is what I mean by living our dying: not ignoring death, but filling the time that remains with meaning, reconciliation, and love.

Grief in Community

End-of-life coaching doesn’t stop at the bedside. Grief ripples outward. It touches children, parents, friends, coworkers, and entire communities.

I have sat with ninety-four-year-olds whose entire retirement community grieved them like family. I’ve worked with employers who wanted to know how best to support staff after the loss of a colleague.  And I have helped children learn, gently and naturally, that death is part of life, so that when their own loved one died, they were not walking into it unprepared and terrified.

Even pet loss, so often dismissed, can cut deeply. I’ve led groups where people could honor that grief without shame. Because love is love—and grief is grief.

Death Is Not the Enemy

If there is one message I wish the whole world could hear, it’s this: death isn’t scary. We’ve made it scary, but it doesn’t have to be.

Humans have always died. Families and communities have always found ways to make death sacred. My hope is to help people reclaim that sense of presence and meaning at life’s end—to make dying not just something we endure, but something we live.

One Conscious Love

At the close of our conversation, I was asked a big question: What does “One Conscious Love” mean to you?

For me, it comes down to this: love is all.

I have a colleague who replaces the word “God” with “Love” whenever she prays or reads scripture or preaches. And she’s not wrong. Across religions, cultures, and human longing, the thread that ties us together is love.

To live with “one conscious love” is to ask: How am I bringing love into the world today? How am I shaping my little corner of the universe with compassion, presence, and care?

That, I believe, is the invitation for all of us—whether in life, in dying, or in grief.

If you’d like to connect with me—whether for end-of-life coaching, grief support, or simply to continue the conversation—you can reach me [here].

Together, may we keep learning how to live, how to die, and how to love.

Wishing you all much peace!

You can learn more about Melanie Vanhawk and Once Conscious Love [here].

The post Living Our Dying: A Conversation About Love, Loss, and Purpose appeared first on CoachRev.

Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet it remains one of the most misunderstood. At some point in life, every one of us will face it—whether it’s the death of someone we love, the end of a relationship, the loss of health, or even the shattering of a long-held dream. But when it hits, one of the questions many people ask themselves is: How long will this last?

The short, and perhaps frustrating, answer is: there is no timeline for grief. The journey is deeply personal, and in fact, grief doesn’t end. It will soften over time, but you will always have moments when you think about and mourn your loss.

The Five Stages of Grief – A Helpful Map, But Not the Whole Story

When people think about grief, they often refer to the five stages of grief, first introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969. These stages are:

1. Denial– “This can’t be happening.”
2. Anger– “Why is this happening? Who’s to blame?”
3. Bargaining– “If only I had done this differently…”
4. Depression– “This hurts so much. I don’t know how to go on.”
5. Acceptance– “This is my reality now. I’m learning to live with it.”

These stages aren’t meant to be a checklist to move through and be done with once and for all. And they aren’t meant to be experienced in any exact order. Instead, think of them as signposts on an unpredictable journey. You might find yourself lingering in one stage for weeks or months. You might skip one entirely and circle back to it later.

For example, some people stay in denial for a long time because the reality of the loss feels too overwhelming to face. Others may move quickly through denial but get “stuck” in anger or depression. There’s no “right” way to grieve.

Why Putting a Timeline on Grief Doesn’t Work

We live in a culture that often expects us to “bounce back” quickly. Employers may offer just a few days of bereavement leave. Friends may stop checking in after the funeral. Even we, ourselves, may think we should be over it by a certain point.

But grief doesn’t work like that.

The length and intensity of grief depend on many factors:

• The nature of your loss– Losing a spouse of 40 years is different from losing a distant acquaintance.
• The circumstances of the loss– Was it sudden or expected? Peaceful or traumatic?
• Your relationship with the person (or thing) lost– Were there unresolved conflicts? Was the person (or thing) a source of daily joy?
• Your personality and coping style– Some people process emotions internally, others outwardly.
• Your support system– Having people to talk to and lean on can make a huge difference.

It’s also important to remember that grief doesn’t end—it changes. Over time, it usually becomes less all-consuming, but certain triggers—a song, an anniversary, a smell—can bring it roaring back, even years later.

Taking Active Steps to Process Grief

While you can’t rush grief, you can take steps to help yourself move through it. Avoiding your emotions or “pushing them down” may delay healing and cause them to resurface in unexpected ways. Here are some ways to actively work through grief:

1.      Allow Yourself to Feel

Give yourself permission to experience your emotions without judgment. If you’re angry, be angry. If you’re sad, cry. If you need to laugh at a memory, do it. Laughing doesn’t dishonor your loved one.  Suppressing feelings often makes them stronger.

2. Lean on Your Support Network

Grief can be isolating, but it’s important not to close yourself off. Reach out to friends, family, or a support group. Even if you don’t feel like talking, having someone simply sit with you can be powerful.

3. Create Rituals of Remembrance

Lighting a candle, creating a photo album, planting a tree—these small acts can help you honor the person or thing you’ve lost and give your grief a tangible outlet.

4. Seek Professional Help if Needed

A therapist, counselor, or grief coach can offer tools to help you cope, especially if you feel stuck in one stage or your grief is interfering with daily life.

5. Take Care of Your Body

Grief is exhausting—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Eat nourishing foods, move your body in gentle ways, and try to get enough rest. Your body is carrying a heavy load; treat it kindly.

The Unexpected Waves of Grief

Grief often doesn’t move in a straight line—it comes in waves. You might feel like you’re making progress, only to be knocked down by a holiday, a song, or even a random smell that reminds you of what you lost.

These waves aren’t setbacks—they’re a natural part of the process. Over time, the waves may become smaller and less frequent, but they may always be part of you. And that’s okay.

One way to think about grief is this: rather than “getting over” grief, we learn to live alongside it. The pain may soften, but the love remains.

The Role of Community in Healing

While grief is deeply personal, it’s not something we’re meant to carry alone. In many cultures, mourning is communal—friends and neighbors bring food, gather for rituals, and sit with the grieving person for days or even weeks.

In our fast-paced, individualistic society, we often lack those built-in support systems. That’s why intentionally creating or seeking out community is so important.

• Join a grief support group (in person or online)
• Attend memorial events or remembrance walks
• Share your story with others who “get it”
• Volunteer to help others who are grieving

Community reminds us that we’re not alone, even when our loss feels isolating.

Grief as a Lifelong Companion

You may have heard the phrase, “You don’t get over grief; you grow around it.” As time passes, the grief may take up less of your daily life, but it often remains a quiet part of who you are.

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Grief is a reflection of love. The depth of your grief often mirrors the depth of your connection. In that sense, grief is a reminder that you had someone worth loving so deeply.

When to Seek Extra Support

While grief is natural, sometimes it becomes what professionals call “complicated grief” or “prolonged grief disorder.” This is when the symptoms remain intense and debilitating for a long period—often more than a year—and interfere with your ability to function.

Signs you might need extra support include:

• Persistent feelings of hopelessness
• Avoiding reminders of your loss to an extreme degree
• Feeling life is not worth living
• Inability to perform daily tasks
• Intense longing that doesn’t lessen with time

If this sounds like you—or someone you know—it’s important to reach out for professional help.

Final Thoughts: Grief on Your Own Timeline

So, how long does grief last? As long as it needs to.

It’s not a race. It’s not a linear path. It’s a winding, unpredictable journey that looks different for everyone. You may revisit stages, feel conflicting emotions at once, or be surprised by moments of joy in the midst of pain.

What matters most is that you give yourself permission to heal in your own time and in your own way—and that you remember you don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re walking through grief right now, know that it’s okay to take the time you need. And if you’re supporting someone who’s grieving, remember that your presence is more important than your words.

Want to go deeper?
If you are dealing with grief or know someone who is, you know how intense the emotions can be—and how important it is to have tools to process them. That’s why we created our new eBook: The Journey of Grief and Loss: Let the Healing Process Begin. Inside, you’ll find practical steps, comforting insights, and hope for the road ahead.

[Click here to learn more and get your copy.]

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