The Grief Journey, Volume 12

The first year of bereavement often brings raw pain, disbelief, and the agony of facing a new reality. These are emotions many of us have never experienced before — or at least not with such depth.

After the first year, grief is often not quite as intense. Many of the “firsts” no longer knock us off balance in the same way. You may even feel better and think the worst is over.

Generally, it is — but healing is often not as complete as we hope it will be.

Understanding This Next Season of Grief

It helps to understand this stage of grieving and to learn new ways of coping. Lowering expectations of yourself, continuing to take gentle steps forward, and holding onto hope are essential. Grief is different for everyone — like fingerprints or snowflakes, no two experiences are alike.

Do not compare yourself to others or place yourself on a timetable.

Some of the following observations may help you navigate what comes next.

Common Experiences After the First Year

• A deeper sense of reality may emerge as the long-term implications of the loss become clearer.

• You may begin grappling with new life patterns and routines.

• Support is still vital — whether through trusted friends, a support group, or a grief coach.

• Tears may come less often, but when they do, they remain therapeutic.

• Ongoing or worsening physical symptoms deserve medical attention.

Caring for Yourself Moving Forward

• Sleep disturbances are common; limiting caffeine and alcohol and incorporating gentle exercise can help.

• Regularly check for balance in your life — work, rest, recreation, and spiritual care.

• Depression may return or appear for the first time; this is not unusual.

• Feelings of being “out of control” or “going crazy” can still arise — grief work takes far longer than we expect.

• Be mindful of self-criticism and lowered self-esteem. You are doing hard, meaningful work.

• Wanting to appear strong for others can become a stumbling block. It is okay to need help.

You may notice that friends expect you to be “over it” by now. This can lead to feelings of abandonment. Seek out people who understand grief and are willing to listen.

Loneliness may surface as you look ahead to life without your loved one. New connections, meaningful work, and cherished memories can help sustain you.

Guilt, anger, and unanswered questions may still arise. Acknowledging these feelings — rather than suppressing them — is an important part of healing.

There may be moments when you feel as though you are slipping backward. Remember how far you have already come. Be patient and kind with yourself.

Continuing Support

As this series concludes, remember that grief does not end simply because a year has passed. Support is still available. CoachRev continues to walk alongside individuals navigating grief, offering companionship, perspective, and encouragement as the journey unfolds.

You do not have to do this alone.

Continuing to wish you peace and steadiness on the road ahead,
Lee

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The Grief Journey, Volume 11

In the master plan of life, we are seldom made aware of its blueprint. We build our lives on the foundation of love, securing it with the mortar of guiding hands and hearts. With time and the many experiences that shape us, we build a home.

And home is where the heart is.

When Special Days Feel Different

Holidays and anniversaries are often filled with picture-perfect scenes and expectations. They can mask the real feelings that surface as you face these days without your loved one.

Traditions may no longer feel the same, especially those you created together. Too often, we cover our true emotions “for the sake of others,” even when our hearts are heavy. Every room in our mind holds rich memories — both joyful and painful — waiting for the heart to unlock the door.

A Natural Response to Loss

It is a perfectly natural response to feel depressed, withdrawn, or emotionally tender before and during holidays or anniversaries. What were once moments of shared joy can now become times of loneliness and sorrow.

You may find yourself feeling alone, even when surrounded by people.

When Others Feel Uncomfortable

Often, those around you are unsure how to respond. Some may worry they will say the wrong thing and unintentionally cause pain, so they keep their distance. Others may attempt to minimize your loss with phrases like, “Life goes on,” or, “It’s time to move forward.”

Some people may still be wrestling with their own unresolved grief and simply are not able to talk about it openly.

Unlocking the Heart Through Sharing

The key to unlocking the heart’s door is sharing — sharing with someone who genuinely wants to listen.

A gathering is meant to be a time to celebrate, to care, and to connect. It is also a time to reflect and to invite others into your memories. Both the joyful and the painful memories deserve space. Sharing them is part of the healing process.

Reminiscing can be emotionally draining. Tears may come easily, and emotions may rise unexpectedly. Yet this is part of catharsis — a cleansing of the soul. By remembering and sharing, we begin to ease the weight of grief.

Living With Grief, Not Over It

Unlocking the door of the heart does not mean memories will fade. What it does mean is that the journey of life may become easier to travel.

We do not “get over” grief. Instead, we work toward reconciling ourselves to living with it.

Holidays and anniversaries naturally bring a resurgence of loss and sadness. Acknowledging these feelings and gently moving toward them is healthier than attempting to repress or deny them.

Wishing you peace, especially during those difficult days,
Lee

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In the first few months after the death of a loved one, the body often seems to shut down many activities that once felt routine. Emotionally, the mind may withdraw from the outside world. Though this can be unsettling — and sometimes misunderstood by others — it is a normal response to loss.

When we are injured physically, we do not question the need for rest. Recuperation is simply understood as part of healing. Surgical scars often fade with time and eventually move into the background of our lives.

An emotional injury can be just as painful.
The scars of the heart, however, are not always visible — and they rarely fade away completely.

The Role of Introspection in Grief

Introspection is the ability to look inward — to reflect, to turn experiences around in the mind, and to begin putting them into some kind of order so that meaning can slowly emerge.

It is only after a great deal of introspection that we begin to truly live with our grief.

This is not an easy journey, as we have explored in previous issues of Stepping Stones. How we allow our attitudes to shape our perspective makes the difference between seeing life clearly or seeing it as gray, dismal, and distorted by pain.

The following reflection was written by Susan Sellgren, an experienced hospice nurse. It reflects both her professional insight and her personal experience with loss.

Releasing and Letting Go

by Susan Sellgren

It is often said that time heals all wounds, as if time alone is responsible for healing. For some losses — a first disappointment or the death of a childhood pet — the passage of time may be enough.

However, time alone is not sufficient for healing the grief that follows the death of a loved one.

The ability to release and let go is often the final step in recovery through the grief process. This “grief work” requires long periods of painful self-examination, including reflection on the relationship with the deceased and on present relationships.

There are no easy shortcuts through bereavement.

Often, unresolved issues resurface — anger, anxiety, guilt, shame, indifference, relief — along with profound changes in self-identity. These experiences are part of the work of grieving.

Letting Go as a Daily Choice

Releasing and letting go is not a single decision, but a day-by-day choice made throughout bereavement.

One may choose to remain angry, bitter, or despondent — or one may choose to grow, learn, and adapt to the inevitable changes that follow loss.

At this stage of my life, it is interesting to be writing about letting go. My work as a hospice nurse has taught me that relationships with the families I serve are transient, yet deeply meaningful.

I mourn the losses of clients, reflect on how I might have served them better, and consider how I could have been more sensitive to unspoken needs. At the same time, I am mourning the impending loss of my father to terminal cancer.

Living with death and dying in both my professional and personal life has made me more empathetic and humble in the presence of grief. There are no pat answers.

To release and let go, for me, means being willing to learn from past mistakes, to love the memory of the deceased, and to adapt to who I am now.

I believe these three things are essential ingredients for meaningful bereavement.

Continuing to wish you much peace,
Lee

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Grief is deeply personal, and people who have not experienced it often struggle to understand what it truly feels like. At this stage in your grieving, you may be hearing words that suggest how you should be living or remind you of the possibilities that lie ahead.

Taking Ownership of Your Grief

Do not allow others — no matter how much they care — to tell you how to grieve, what you should feel, or how long it should take. It is okay to take charge and let others know what you need and don’t need right now.

Finding Your Voice

It can help to prepare a few simple responses for moments when advice feels hurtful or overwhelming. Asking for time to think or choosing to respond later gives you space and control.

Sharing Memories and Stories

Taking the lead in talking about your loved one can be healing. Over time, you may hesitate to ask others to listen again. This is one reason grief support groups can be especially helpful — everyone there understands the need to share.

When Relationships Change

Grief can shift relationships. Be gentle with yourself and with others, and remember that even those closest to you cannot read your mind. Let them know what you truly need.

(Your quoted example fits beautifully here.)

Moving Forward With Intention

Take charge of your grief. Face it. Educate others. Experience it fully, and trust that healing will come in its own time.

May your journey be filled with peace,
Lee

The post Sharing Your Grief Journey With Others appeared first on CoachRev.

Grief is hard work.
It is personal, demanding, and often isolating.

Grief is as unique as the fingerprints of our soul. In loss, we may find ourselves wandering through unfamiliar territory, carrying memories of what was while trying to make sense of what now is. In these moments, friendship becomes more than comfort — it becomes a lifeline.

Why Friendship Matters in Grief

At first, you may need many listening ears. Over time, what often matters most are just a few trusted friends — companions who will stay with you for the long journey toward healing.

As Pat Schwiebert, Executive Director of GriefWatch, reminds us, “Grief needs a face.” For some, reaching out comes naturally. For others, the instinct is to withdraw and hide away. While time alone can be important, prolonged isolation often makes grief harder to bear. Finding balance between solitude and connection is key.

The Gift of Being Truly Known

Friends who have laughed and cried with us understand the depth of our love for the one who has died. They hold pieces of our story that are precious and grounding. Their presence reminds us that the love we shared was real and witnessed.

We need friends with open arms — those who will offer comfort when we feel untouchable.
We need friends with open ears — those who will listen without judgment and remain steady even when our words are messy or raw.

Sometimes, we need friends who can help us face feelings of guilt, anger, or bitterness. Being accompanied during these dark moments can bring quiet relief as we begin to absorb the weight of our emotions.

Presence Over Answers

Perhaps the greatest gift a friend can offer is simply being there. Sitting beside us. Holding a hand. Listening without rushing us toward solutions.

Friends help us find moments of peace — not by erasing our pain, but by helping us carry it. Their willingness to hear our stories of love and loss validates our grief and creates space for healing.

Finding Support That Fits You

Support comes in many forms. Some find it in close friends or family. Others turn to clergy, counselors, or grief support groups. What matters most is finding support that feels safe and accessible for you — and allowing yourself to receive it.

Wishing you many great listeners and gentle companions,
Lee

The post The Healing Power of Friendship in Grief appeared first on CoachRev.

Grieving is hard work.
It is physically taxing, mentally demanding, and spiritually challenging.

I can’t think of any other work that compares to grief’s intensity or its impact. The exhaustion that comes with grieving can feel similar to the fatigue after heavy physical labor — except it lingers, and there is no clear finish line.

How Grief Affects the Body

Grief does not live only in our emotions.
It lives in our bodies.

The physical toll of grief often surprises people. Many of these reactions are sometimes mistaken for strictly medical problems, when they may actually be part of the body’s natural response to loss.

Below are some common physical symptoms of grief.

Common Physical Symptoms of Grief

• Chest pains or heart-related sensations

• Dizziness

• Dry mouth

• An empty or hollow feeling in the stomach

• Fatigue or lack of energy

• A sensation of something “stuck” in the throat

• Headaches

• Difficulty sleeping

• Sleeping much more than usual

• Loss of sexual desire, or at times an unusually increased sexual desire

• Weight loss or weight gain

• Nausea or vomiting

• Increased allergic reactions

• Oversensitivity to noise

• Restlessness or purposeless activity

• Hyperactivity

• Shortness of breath

• Trembling

• Uncontrollable sighing or sobbing

• Muscle weakness

• Gastrointestinal symptoms such as constipation, diarrhea, or excessive gas

Any of these symptoms can be a normal part of grieving. They are ways the body responds to the profound stress of losing someone we love.

When to Seek Medical Care

If physical symptoms persist, worsen, or become very uncomfortable, it is important to make an appointment with your physician.

Be sure to tell them that you have experienced a recent major loss. Grief does not replace medical care — but it deserves to be considered as part of the picture.

When the Body Mirrors the Loss

Some people notice physical symptoms similar to those experienced by the person who died. For example, if your loved one died from a heart attack, you may notice chest discomfort. If they died from a brain tumor, headaches may increase.

This can be an unconscious way of identifying with the person who died and feeling close to them. It is another way the body expresses grief.

Your Body Is Communicating With You

Right now, you may not feel in control of how your body is responding. Your body is communicating the stress and sorrow you are carrying.

While these experiences can feel frightening, they are usually temporary.

You are not broken.
Your body is grieving too.

Wishing you comfort and health,
Lee

The post The Physical Symptoms of Grief: When Your Body Is Mourning Too appeared first on CoachRev.

Have you ever asked yourself that question? It is probably the question I’m asked most often. For many people, grief is uncharted territory and deeply unsettling. The death of someone you love can feel so overwhelming that you begin to question your own sanity.

The loss of someone close can quickly turn the world into an unfamiliar place. What once felt routine becomes exhausting. Even the simplest tasks may feel daunting. Emotions can be so strong and intense that many grievers believe they are the only ones feeling this way — or that something is wrong with them.

I want to reassure you: you are not going crazy.

The feelings you are having are normal responses to an abnormal event. Unless you are planning to harm yourself or someone else, almost anything you feel is considered normal in grief. You are not alone. By understanding this truth, we take our first steps toward living with our grief.

In her book A Journey Through Grief: Gentle, Specific Help to Get You Through the Most Difficult Stages of Grief, Alla Reneé Bozarth, Ph.D. writes:

“While you are grieving, your emotional life may be unpredictable and unstable. You may feel that there are gaps in your remembered experience… You may alternate between depression and euphoria, between wailing rage and passive resignation. If you’ve experienced loss and are hurting, it’s reasonable that your responses will be unreasonable.”

Common Experiences That Can Feel Alarming

There are many experiences that can cause grievers to wonder if they are “going crazy.” These include:

Utter exhaustion and confusion
Tasks that once required little thought — mailing a letter, buying milk — can feel monumental. Simply imagining the steps involved can leave a griever utterly depleted.

Grief knows no schedule
Grief will never fit neatly into an appointment book. You may be enjoying a moment of normalcy when a sudden wave of grief arrives without warning. This is common.

Time distortion
Losing track of time — or even the day — is not unusual.

Crying and sobbing
Tears may come unexpectedly and feel uncontrollable.

Dreams
Many people dream about the person who has died.

Obsessive review
You may feel a strong need to tell your story again and again.

Transitional objects
Holding or embracing objects that belonged to your loved one can bring comfort.

Mystical experiences
Smelling familiar scents, sensing presence, seeing or hearing your loved one, or feeling physical sensations are ways the mind attempts to make sense of loss. These experiences are widely shared among mourners and are considered normal.

The truth is that very few grieving people ever “go crazy,” and most do not require psychiatric treatment. What they are experiencing is grief — and with time, it becomes more manageable.

Wishing you peace and calm as you journey,
Lee

The post Am I Going Crazy? Understanding What Grief Really Feels Like appeared first on CoachRev.

Before doing so, however, be reminded that your grief is your own — no one else’s. It may feel different for you now than if someone close to you died in years past. Grief is never the same twice. Your friends can’t feel your loss in the same way that you can, either. Their life won’t be affected the same way yours will be. Your grief is unique.

Having said that, it might help you to understand some of the most common emotions you may experience.
What follows is not a checklist, but a way of naming some common emotional experiences that many grievers recognize.

Shock

You may feel dazed and stunned, especially during the time immediately following the death. This is nature’s way of temporarily protecting you psychologically until you are more able to tolerate what you don’t want to believe.

Anxiety

As your head and heart begin to miss the person who died, you may naturally feel anxious. You may ask yourself, “Am I going to be okay? Will I survive this? Will my life have any purpose without this person?” You may feel vulnerable, even unable to survive, without the person who died.

Anger

Anger and its cousins — hate, blame, resentment, rage, and jealousy — are normal responses to the death of someone loved. With loss comes the desire to protest. You have two avenues for expression — outward or inward. Expressing anger outward in safe, healthy ways can lead to healing; turning it inward often does not. In fact, keeping your explosive emotions inside can lead to low self-esteem, depression, guilt, and physical complaints. Critical to healing is finding someone who doesn’t judge you but allows you to feel whatever you feel.

Guilt

When someone you care about dies, it’s natural to have a case of the “if only’s.” While these feelings of guilt or regret are natural, they sometimes aren’t logical to those around you.  Remember — thinking is logical; feelings are not.

Sadness

Sadness may be the most hurtful feeling on your journey toward wholeness. We don’t want to be sad. Sadness saps pleasure from our lives. Sadness makes us feel crummy. Dr. Alan Wofelt writes, “I suggest you say out loud right now, ‘I have every right to feel sad!”

Naming the feelings and acknowledging them are the first steps to dealing with them! Naming these emotions is not about fixing them — it’s about allowing them to be part of the journey.

Wishing you peace and calm as you journey,
Lee

The post The Emotions of Grief, Part 2: Understanding Common Grief Feelings Volume 5 appeared first on CoachRev.

Sometimes you may feel one or two emotions at a time.
Other times, it can feel as though all of them arrive at once.

They are tangled and mixed together, making it difficult to sort out exactly what you are feeling — or even to name it.

Grief emotions are unpredictable. One moment you may feel relatively steady, and the next you may find yourself crying uncontrollably. If this happens, please know that there is nothing wrong with you. This is a normal part of grieving.

At times, emotions can feel overwhelming or out of control. Facing them may leave you feeling numb, angry, exhausted, helpless, or confused. All of this belongs to grief. For the most part, no matter what you are feeling, it is okay.

The time to seek immediate help is if you feel like you might hurt yourself or someone else. Otherwise, even the most uncomfortable emotions are often part of the natural grieving process.

A Few Important Things to Remember About Emotions

Who you are is not defined by your emotions.
Feelings do not determine your character, your strength, or your worth.

Emotions come and go.
Even the most intense feelings tend to shift over time.

Feelings are not good or bad — they simply are.
They are signals, not judgments.

It is okay to feel sad and to cry.
Tears are one way the body releases grief.

It is also okay to feel happy, laugh, and have fun.
You cannot be sad all the time. Sometimes stepping away from the work of grieving — even briefly — is necessary and healthy.

It is okay to feel afraid.
You may worry about finances, daily responsibilities, or who will take care of certain things now. You may fear what the future holds, or worry about losing others you love. These fears are common. Talking with a trusted friend or family member about them can help ease the weight.

You may feel relief.
If death followed a long illness or a difficult situation, relief can arise. This can be hard to admit, but it is normal and does not diminish your love.

It is okay to feel disorganized or panicked.
Some people experience anxiety or panic attacks during grief. It is common to wonder, “Am I going crazy?” These feelings are typically temporary, though uncomfortable. Being near people you trust and sharing what you’re experiencing can help.

It is okay to feel nothing at all.
Numbness is one way your emotional self protects you from overwhelming shock. As Dr. Alan Wolfelt writes:

“Thank goodness for shock, numbness, and disbelief! These feelings are nature’s way of temporarily protecting you psychologically until you are more able to tolerate what you don’t want to believe.”

Expressing What You Feel

One of the most important things you can do is allow yourself to express your emotions freely. When feelings are suppressed, they often resurface later in more painful ways.

If you are unsure whether what you’re feeling is okay, or if emotions begin to feel unmanageable, reach out to your primary care provider, clinician, or CoachRev for guidance and support.

You do not have to sort through the tangled ball of emotions alone.

Wishing you peace and calm as you journey,
Lee

The post The Emotions of Grief: Understanding the Tangled Ball of Feelings #4 appeared first on CoachRev.

Often, we feel pressure to follow certain “rules” about grieving — rules meant to make others more comfortable, but that actually hinder our own journey. Each of us is unique in how we experience and process life’s events, and grief is no different. Misconceptions can deny you the freedom to be yourself and to authentically express your grief.

This month, we’ll gently explore a few of the most common misconceptions.

Misconception #1: “You Need to Just Get Over It.”

This is probably the misconception I get most frustrated with.  Perhaps Dr. Alan D. Wolfelt said it best when he wrote:

“To think that as human beings you ‘get over’ your grief is ludicrous! You don’t ‘get over’ it — you learn to live with it. You learn to integrate it into your life and into the fabric of your being.”

Grief isn’t like a headache that goes away with a couple of tablets and some sleep. It’s not like a broken bone that knits itself back together after a few weeks in a cast.

There is no clear endpoint for grief. It ebbs and flows over time, and while it may become easier to live with, it does not simply disappear. As C. A. Corr observed, grief “may be more like learning to manage a permanent loss of a limb than allowing a wound to heal.”

Misconception #2: “Everyone Grieves the Same Way.”

This myth suggests that we all move through the same stages of grief in the same orderly progression. But nothing could be further from the truth.

Grief is messier and far more complicated. Many grief coaches say that grief is as unique as a fingerprint. While you may experience feelings such as anger, denial, depression, bargaining, or acceptance, you may move through them in different orders, revisit some repeatedly, or linger in one longer than another.

No one gets to tell you that you’re “grieving wrong” simply because your grief looks different from theirs.

Misconception #3: “Tears Are a Sign of Weakness.”

Tears are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign that you have loved someone deeply.

Your tears may make others uncomfortable because they don’t know how to fix your pain. But that discomfort should never silence your need to cry. Science shows that crying can actually help people feel better emotionally and physically. Tears are a sign that you are doing the work of mourning.

Misconception #4: “Don’t Talk About the Person Who Died.”

People often avoid mentioning the deceased because they’re afraid of making you sad. But many grievers feel the opposite.

My friend Vickie, whose sixteen-year-old daughter died, put it this way:

“Stop pretending she didn’t exist! Laugh with me. Cry with me. Say her name out loud like she meant something. Please…”

Share your memories. Tell the stories you love. Talk about what your loved one might be saying or doing right now. Speaking their name keeps their presence alive and honors the love that remains.

Misconception #5: “Those Who Are Grieving Are Best Left Alone.”

Grievers need opportunities to share their stories, their pain, and their memories — and to receive support.

Sharing your grief with others won’t make it disappear, but over time, it can make it more bearable. Reaching out connects you to others and helps strengthen the bonds of love that make life feel possible again.

Wishing you peace,
Lee

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