depression from loss Archives - CoachRev

Living Your Dying

Lee Atherton — Mon, 06 Feb 2023 14:00:26 +0000

A conversation with your coach can help you prepare for life’s closing chapter.

“Baby boomers have changed the face of the U.S. population for more than 70 years and continue to do so as more enter their senior years, a demographic shift often referred to as a “gray tsunami.” (census.gov)

Data and research point to a “tsunami of humans nearing end of life” within the next two decades. In a world where our health care workers are increasingly burned out and leaving their jobs, the strain that this tsunami will put on health care resources is tremendous. Retirement communities and long-term care facilities already have waiting lists. The rising costs of healthcare are stripping what many retirees have tucked away for their “golden years.” As numbers of the “gray tsunami” rise, the quality of life as they near death decreases and gets more and more expensive.

Seventy-five percent of all money spent on health care occurs in the last three months of life while the quality of life is the worst we ever seen. Ninety-five percent of people say they prefer to die at home while 75% of people end up dying in hospitals or nursing homes.

When people talk about what is happening in our end-of-life culture today, we hear things like, “I don’t want to die that way. I want control of how I die. I want a loving and natural death. I’ll choose my own way out before I die like that.”

It is more important than ever to plan for life’s final chapter. Waiting too long means that we’ll be making critical decisions and choices when we’re more stressed, under pressure to decide in a moment of crisis. Or our ability to weigh the pros and cons and consider how our life-long values inform our choices has declined as we’ve aged.

Too often we leave our loved ones scrambling to make life and death decisions on our behalf. Siblings who once got along and enjoyed each other’s company find themselves not only at odds with each other, but often finding themselves in unreconcilable disagreements and broken relationships.

It is never too early to think about what we want our final months and days to be.

What are your spiritual wishes? What do you want your children to know? Do you want to be kept alive by all means possible? Or do you want to die in the comfort of your own home surrounded by the people and things most important to you? What do you imagine your funeral or life celebration to be like? Do you have a favorite song, or poem, or story you want shared?

Reach out to CoachRev Lee for guidance as you begin thinking about your Five Wishes, and having a conversation with your family about what you want as your life draws to a close.

Wish 1: The Person I Want to Make Care Decisions for Me When I Can’t. …
Wish 2: The Kind of Medical Treatment I Want or Don’t Want. …
Wish 3: How Comfortable I Want to Be. …
Wish 4: How I Want People to Treat Me. …
Wish 5: What I Want My Loved Ones to Know.

Email Lee @ Lee@CoachRev.com to find out when the next free workshop is scheduled.

And in the meantime – Live Today Like It Matters!!

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Can I Find Closure?

Lee Atherton — Wed, 08 Jun 2022 21:37:33 +0000

Are you searching for closure? It’s natural to want some resolution after a loved one dies, or you experience a similar loss. Closure means moving through and beyond the pain and suffering of grief and is unique to each person. Just as no two people grieve the same, so no two people find closure.

Grief is a fluid process for which there is no timetable. Closure doesn’t mean that you have forgotten about your loved one, nor that you no longer miss them. It means that you have found a new way of life, a “new normal.” Closure may feel elusive at times, and at other times it seems just within reach.

Practices and Activities to Help Bring Closure

Give yourself time to grieve your loss and notice how your life has changed. Be kind to yourself by giving yourself permission to cry, or shout, or laugh, or even be angry. Expressing yourself helps you to heal.

Write a goodbye letter to your loved one. If you feel comfortable doing so, read it out loud as if he or she were sitting with you.

Sometimes we hold onto anger and resentment for all the “coulda-shoulda-woulda’s.” As challenging as it is, look for ways to leg to.

Learn to Close your eyes and imagine being with them. Feel the air on your skin, listen to the sounds around you, see them at their best. Tell them what is on your mind and in your heart.

Keep a journal. Writing your thoughts and ideas helps to release some of the emotion and pain associated with your loss.

Find ways to keep their memory alive. Begin a new tradition to honor them. Plant a tree in their memory.

Express gratitude. Before you go to bed each night write down three things you are grateful for. It may be hard at first. You may find yourself being grateful simply for making it through the day; your answers may be only one word each. In time it will become easier.

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CELEBRATING LOIS – FUNERALS AND LOLLIPOPS

Lee Atherton — Tue, 10 Nov 2020 21:31:44 +0000

Several years ago when I began working at AseraCare Hospice, I was introduced to an extraordinary woman named Lois. My colleague Judy knew her long before she had dementia and long before I began caring for her. She heard Lois, accompanied by a famous pianist, sing with grace, beauty and intensity. Her joy and passion in life were her music.

Lois and I

Many years had gone by the time Lois came into my life. Her pianist friend had passed away. She had long been sinking into a life where her memory no longer was true to her. She lost her ability to serenade her friends and family. But her love of music was just as strong as ever! I discovered that the best way to connect with Lois was to begin singing. Songs like the “Ole Time Favorites” of her day. “Oh, When the Saints Go Marching In”, “Yankee Doodle”, “Skip to my Lou” were just a few of the songs that would bring a smile to her face and her hands go clapping.

But the song that she responded to the most by far was “On the Good Ship Lollipop”. Until the end, she was able to join in humming her favorite tune, and on a good day, she would even be able to mouth a few of the words.

I was honored to be asked to officiate Lois’s memorial service, and because she brought joy to others in her music and in the way she lived her life, her family asked me to create a celebration of her life. And so I did. Many tears were shed that day, stories were told, laughter was shared. But the very best part as we closed the book of Lois’s life was the closing of her service. We all left the chapel dancing and singing “On The Good Ship Lollipop”! And you guessed it – we even gave out lollipops!!

Just as there is no right way to grieve, so there is no right way to write the final page. Creating a service that truly celebrates and honors your loved one will leave you with special memories to hold for a long time.

Enjoy? Share with your friends

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AM I GOING CRAZY? NO, YOU’RE IN GRIEF

Lee Atherton — Wed, 04 Nov 2020 21:26:14 +0000

Grief is a natural reaction to losing an important person or thing. You may feel all kinds of emotions like you are going crazy! This might include sadness or loneliness. And you could experience it for many reasons. Could be the death of a loved one, a relationship ended, or you lost your job. Other life changes, like chronic sickness or a move to a new home, can also lead to grief.

Everyone grieves differently. But if you understand your emotions, take care of yourself, keep healthy habits, and seek support, you can heal.

The death of one we love leaves us feeling overwhelmed and our bodies react in many ways to that out-of-control feeling. You may feel like you’re “losing it” and wonder if your reaction is normal. Chances are it is. If you are concerned, reach out to your doctor, counselor, or a trusted friend.

Bodily Reactions to Grieving

These are some of the ways our bodies react to loss and mourning:

Chest pains or heart problems
Dry mouth
Fatigue
Dizziness
Empty feeling in the stomach
Feeling of “something stuck in my throat”
Headache
Inability to sleep
Sleeping all the time
Loss of sexual desire or having overly active sexual desire
Loss of weight or weight gain
Nausea and vomiting
Increased allergic reactions
Oversensitivity to noise
Purposeless activity
Hyperactivity
Shortness of breath
Trembling
Uncontrollable sighing and sobbing
Muscle weakness
Various gastrointestinal symptoms: constipation, diarrhea, or excessing gas

When you’re grieving, you could be tempted to try to numb your feelings with drugs, alcohol, food, or even more work. But be careful. These are temporary and probably unhealthy escapes that won’t make you heal faster or get better in the long run. Actually, they can lead to addiction, anxiety, depression, or even an emotional breakdown.

Instead of taking that route, why not try these things to help you come to terms with your loss and begin to heal:

Give yourself time. Acknowledge your feelings and know that grieving is a process.
Talk to others. Spend time with friends and family. Don’t isolate yourself.
Take care of yourself. Regularly exercise, eat healthily, and get enough sleep to stay healthy and energized.
Return to your hobbies. Take up activities that bring you joy.
Join a support group. Speak with others who are also grieving. It can help you feel more connected.

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