Grief is deeply personal, and people who have not experienced it often struggle to understand what it truly feels like. At this stage in your grieving, you may be hearing words that suggest how you should be living or remind you of the possibilities that lie ahead.

Taking Ownership of Your Grief

Do not allow others — no matter how much they care — to tell you how to grieve, what you should feel, or how long it should take. It is okay to take charge and let others know what you need and don’t need right now.

Finding Your Voice

It can help to prepare a few simple responses for moments when advice feels hurtful or overwhelming. Asking for time to think or choosing to respond later gives you space and control.

Sharing Memories and Stories

Taking the lead in talking about your loved one can be healing. Over time, you may hesitate to ask others to listen again. This is one reason grief support groups can be especially helpful — everyone there understands the need to share.

When Relationships Change

Grief can shift relationships. Be gentle with yourself and with others, and remember that even those closest to you cannot read your mind. Let them know what you truly need.

(Your quoted example fits beautifully here.)

Moving Forward With Intention

Take charge of your grief. Face it. Educate others. Experience it fully, and trust that healing will come in its own time.

May your journey be filled with peace,
Lee

The post Sharing Your Grief Journey With Others appeared first on CoachRev.

Grief is hard work.
It is personal, demanding, and often isolating.

Grief is as unique as the fingerprints of our soul. In loss, we may find ourselves wandering through unfamiliar territory, carrying memories of what was while trying to make sense of what now is. In these moments, friendship becomes more than comfort — it becomes a lifeline.

Why Friendship Matters in Grief

At first, you may need many listening ears. Over time, what often matters most are just a few trusted friends — companions who will stay with you for the long journey toward healing.

As Pat Schwiebert, Executive Director of GriefWatch, reminds us, “Grief needs a face.” For some, reaching out comes naturally. For others, the instinct is to withdraw and hide away. While time alone can be important, prolonged isolation often makes grief harder to bear. Finding balance between solitude and connection is key.

The Gift of Being Truly Known

Friends who have laughed and cried with us understand the depth of our love for the one who has died. They hold pieces of our story that are precious and grounding. Their presence reminds us that the love we shared was real and witnessed.

We need friends with open arms — those who will offer comfort when we feel untouchable.
We need friends with open ears — those who will listen without judgment and remain steady even when our words are messy or raw.

Sometimes, we need friends who can help us face feelings of guilt, anger, or bitterness. Being accompanied during these dark moments can bring quiet relief as we begin to absorb the weight of our emotions.

Presence Over Answers

Perhaps the greatest gift a friend can offer is simply being there. Sitting beside us. Holding a hand. Listening without rushing us toward solutions.

Friends help us find moments of peace — not by erasing our pain, but by helping us carry it. Their willingness to hear our stories of love and loss validates our grief and creates space for healing.

Finding Support That Fits You

Support comes in many forms. Some find it in close friends or family. Others turn to clergy, counselors, or grief support groups. What matters most is finding support that feels safe and accessible for you — and allowing yourself to receive it.

Wishing you many great listeners and gentle companions,
Lee

The post The Healing Power of Friendship in Grief appeared first on CoachRev.

Have you ever asked yourself that question? It is probably the question I’m asked most often. For many people, grief is uncharted territory and deeply unsettling. The death of someone you love can feel so overwhelming that you begin to question your own sanity.

The loss of someone close can quickly turn the world into an unfamiliar place. What once felt routine becomes exhausting. Even the simplest tasks may feel daunting. Emotions can be so strong and intense that many grievers believe they are the only ones feeling this way — or that something is wrong with them.

I want to reassure you: you are not going crazy.

The feelings you are having are normal responses to an abnormal event. Unless you are planning to harm yourself or someone else, almost anything you feel is considered normal in grief. You are not alone. By understanding this truth, we take our first steps toward living with our grief.

In her book A Journey Through Grief: Gentle, Specific Help to Get You Through the Most Difficult Stages of Grief, Alla Reneé Bozarth, Ph.D. writes:

“While you are grieving, your emotional life may be unpredictable and unstable. You may feel that there are gaps in your remembered experience… You may alternate between depression and euphoria, between wailing rage and passive resignation. If you’ve experienced loss and are hurting, it’s reasonable that your responses will be unreasonable.”

Common Experiences That Can Feel Alarming

There are many experiences that can cause grievers to wonder if they are “going crazy.” These include:

Utter exhaustion and confusion
Tasks that once required little thought — mailing a letter, buying milk — can feel monumental. Simply imagining the steps involved can leave a griever utterly depleted.

Grief knows no schedule
Grief will never fit neatly into an appointment book. You may be enjoying a moment of normalcy when a sudden wave of grief arrives without warning. This is common.

Time distortion
Losing track of time — or even the day — is not unusual.

Crying and sobbing
Tears may come unexpectedly and feel uncontrollable.

Dreams
Many people dream about the person who has died.

Obsessive review
You may feel a strong need to tell your story again and again.

Transitional objects
Holding or embracing objects that belonged to your loved one can bring comfort.

Mystical experiences
Smelling familiar scents, sensing presence, seeing or hearing your loved one, or feeling physical sensations are ways the mind attempts to make sense of loss. These experiences are widely shared among mourners and are considered normal.

The truth is that very few grieving people ever “go crazy,” and most do not require psychiatric treatment. What they are experiencing is grief — and with time, it becomes more manageable.

Wishing you peace and calm as you journey,
Lee

The post Am I Going Crazy? Understanding What Grief Really Feels Like appeared first on CoachRev.

Before doing so, however, be reminded that your grief is your own — no one else’s. It may feel different for you now than if someone close to you died in years past. Grief is never the same twice. Your friends can’t feel your loss in the same way that you can, either. Their life won’t be affected the same way yours will be. Your grief is unique.

Having said that, it might help you to understand some of the most common emotions you may experience.
What follows is not a checklist, but a way of naming some common emotional experiences that many grievers recognize.

Shock

You may feel dazed and stunned, especially during the time immediately following the death. This is nature’s way of temporarily protecting you psychologically until you are more able to tolerate what you don’t want to believe.

Anxiety

As your head and heart begin to miss the person who died, you may naturally feel anxious. You may ask yourself, “Am I going to be okay? Will I survive this? Will my life have any purpose without this person?” You may feel vulnerable, even unable to survive, without the person who died.

Anger

Anger and its cousins — hate, blame, resentment, rage, and jealousy — are normal responses to the death of someone loved. With loss comes the desire to protest. You have two avenues for expression — outward or inward. Expressing anger outward in safe, healthy ways can lead to healing; turning it inward often does not. In fact, keeping your explosive emotions inside can lead to low self-esteem, depression, guilt, and physical complaints. Critical to healing is finding someone who doesn’t judge you but allows you to feel whatever you feel.

Guilt

When someone you care about dies, it’s natural to have a case of the “if only’s.” While these feelings of guilt or regret are natural, they sometimes aren’t logical to those around you.  Remember — thinking is logical; feelings are not.

Sadness

Sadness may be the most hurtful feeling on your journey toward wholeness. We don’t want to be sad. Sadness saps pleasure from our lives. Sadness makes us feel crummy. Dr. Alan Wofelt writes, “I suggest you say out loud right now, ‘I have every right to feel sad!”

Naming the feelings and acknowledging them are the first steps to dealing with them! Naming these emotions is not about fixing them — it’s about allowing them to be part of the journey.

Wishing you peace and calm as you journey,
Lee

The post The Emotions of Grief, Part 2: Understanding Common Grief Feelings Volume 5 appeared first on CoachRev.

Sometimes you may feel one or two emotions at a time.
Other times, it can feel as though all of them arrive at once.

They are tangled and mixed together, making it difficult to sort out exactly what you are feeling — or even to name it.

Grief emotions are unpredictable. One moment you may feel relatively steady, and the next you may find yourself crying uncontrollably. If this happens, please know that there is nothing wrong with you. This is a normal part of grieving.

At times, emotions can feel overwhelming or out of control. Facing them may leave you feeling numb, angry, exhausted, helpless, or confused. All of this belongs to grief. For the most part, no matter what you are feeling, it is okay.

The time to seek immediate help is if you feel like you might hurt yourself or someone else. Otherwise, even the most uncomfortable emotions are often part of the natural grieving process.

A Few Important Things to Remember About Emotions

Who you are is not defined by your emotions.
Feelings do not determine your character, your strength, or your worth.

Emotions come and go.
Even the most intense feelings tend to shift over time.

Feelings are not good or bad — they simply are.
They are signals, not judgments.

It is okay to feel sad and to cry.
Tears are one way the body releases grief.

It is also okay to feel happy, laugh, and have fun.
You cannot be sad all the time. Sometimes stepping away from the work of grieving — even briefly — is necessary and healthy.

It is okay to feel afraid.
You may worry about finances, daily responsibilities, or who will take care of certain things now. You may fear what the future holds, or worry about losing others you love. These fears are common. Talking with a trusted friend or family member about them can help ease the weight.

You may feel relief.
If death followed a long illness or a difficult situation, relief can arise. This can be hard to admit, but it is normal and does not diminish your love.

It is okay to feel disorganized or panicked.
Some people experience anxiety or panic attacks during grief. It is common to wonder, “Am I going crazy?” These feelings are typically temporary, though uncomfortable. Being near people you trust and sharing what you’re experiencing can help.

It is okay to feel nothing at all.
Numbness is one way your emotional self protects you from overwhelming shock. As Dr. Alan Wolfelt writes:

“Thank goodness for shock, numbness, and disbelief! These feelings are nature’s way of temporarily protecting you psychologically until you are more able to tolerate what you don’t want to believe.”

Expressing What You Feel

One of the most important things you can do is allow yourself to express your emotions freely. When feelings are suppressed, they often resurface later in more painful ways.

If you are unsure whether what you’re feeling is okay, or if emotions begin to feel unmanageable, reach out to your primary care provider, clinician, or CoachRev for guidance and support.

You do not have to sort through the tangled ball of emotions alone.

Wishing you peace and calm as you journey,
Lee

The post The Emotions of Grief: Understanding the Tangled Ball of Feelings #4 appeared first on CoachRev.

Grief is one of the most universal human experiences, yet it remains one of the most misunderstood. At some point in life, every one of us will face it—whether it’s the death of someone we love, the end of a relationship, the loss of health, or even the shattering of a long-held dream. But when it hits, one of the questions many people ask themselves is: How long will this last?

The short, and perhaps frustrating, answer is: there is no timeline for grief. The journey is deeply personal, and in fact, grief doesn’t end. It will soften over time, but you will always have moments when you think about and mourn your loss.

The Five Stages of Grief – A Helpful Map, But Not the Whole Story

When people think about grief, they often refer to the five stages of grief, first introduced by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross in 1969. These stages are:

1. Denial– “This can’t be happening.”
2. Anger– “Why is this happening? Who’s to blame?”
3. Bargaining– “If only I had done this differently…”
4. Depression– “This hurts so much. I don’t know how to go on.”
5. Acceptance– “This is my reality now. I’m learning to live with it.”

These stages aren’t meant to be a checklist to move through and be done with once and for all. And they aren’t meant to be experienced in any exact order. Instead, think of them as signposts on an unpredictable journey. You might find yourself lingering in one stage for weeks or months. You might skip one entirely and circle back to it later.

For example, some people stay in denial for a long time because the reality of the loss feels too overwhelming to face. Others may move quickly through denial but get “stuck” in anger or depression. There’s no “right” way to grieve.

Why Putting a Timeline on Grief Doesn’t Work

We live in a culture that often expects us to “bounce back” quickly. Employers may offer just a few days of bereavement leave. Friends may stop checking in after the funeral. Even we, ourselves, may think we should be over it by a certain point.

But grief doesn’t work like that.

The length and intensity of grief depend on many factors:

• The nature of your loss– Losing a spouse of 40 years is different from losing a distant acquaintance.
• The circumstances of the loss– Was it sudden or expected? Peaceful or traumatic?
• Your relationship with the person (or thing) lost– Were there unresolved conflicts? Was the person (or thing) a source of daily joy?
• Your personality and coping style– Some people process emotions internally, others outwardly.
• Your support system– Having people to talk to and lean on can make a huge difference.

It’s also important to remember that grief doesn’t end—it changes. Over time, it usually becomes less all-consuming, but certain triggers—a song, an anniversary, a smell—can bring it roaring back, even years later.

Taking Active Steps to Process Grief

While you can’t rush grief, you can take steps to help yourself move through it. Avoiding your emotions or “pushing them down” may delay healing and cause them to resurface in unexpected ways. Here are some ways to actively work through grief:

1.      Allow Yourself to Feel

Give yourself permission to experience your emotions without judgment. If you’re angry, be angry. If you’re sad, cry. If you need to laugh at a memory, do it. Laughing doesn’t dishonor your loved one.  Suppressing feelings often makes them stronger.

2. Lean on Your Support Network

Grief can be isolating, but it’s important not to close yourself off. Reach out to friends, family, or a support group. Even if you don’t feel like talking, having someone simply sit with you can be powerful.

3. Create Rituals of Remembrance

Lighting a candle, creating a photo album, planting a tree—these small acts can help you honor the person or thing you’ve lost and give your grief a tangible outlet.

4. Seek Professional Help if Needed

A therapist, counselor, or grief coach can offer tools to help you cope, especially if you feel stuck in one stage or your grief is interfering with daily life.

5. Take Care of Your Body

Grief is exhausting—physically, mentally, and emotionally. Eat nourishing foods, move your body in gentle ways, and try to get enough rest. Your body is carrying a heavy load; treat it kindly.

The Unexpected Waves of Grief

Grief often doesn’t move in a straight line—it comes in waves. You might feel like you’re making progress, only to be knocked down by a holiday, a song, or even a random smell that reminds you of what you lost.

These waves aren’t setbacks—they’re a natural part of the process. Over time, the waves may become smaller and less frequent, but they may always be part of you. And that’s okay.

One way to think about grief is this: rather than “getting over” grief, we learn to live alongside it. The pain may soften, but the love remains.

The Role of Community in Healing

While grief is deeply personal, it’s not something we’re meant to carry alone. In many cultures, mourning is communal—friends and neighbors bring food, gather for rituals, and sit with the grieving person for days or even weeks.

In our fast-paced, individualistic society, we often lack those built-in support systems. That’s why intentionally creating or seeking out community is so important.

• Join a grief support group (in person or online)
• Attend memorial events or remembrance walks
• Share your story with others who “get it”
• Volunteer to help others who are grieving

Community reminds us that we’re not alone, even when our loss feels isolating.

Grief as a Lifelong Companion

You may have heard the phrase, “You don’t get over grief; you grow around it.” As time passes, the grief may take up less of your daily life, but it often remains a quiet part of who you are.

And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Grief is a reflection of love. The depth of your grief often mirrors the depth of your connection. In that sense, grief is a reminder that you had someone worth loving so deeply.

When to Seek Extra Support

While grief is natural, sometimes it becomes what professionals call “complicated grief” or “prolonged grief disorder.” This is when the symptoms remain intense and debilitating for a long period—often more than a year—and interfere with your ability to function.

Signs you might need extra support include:

• Persistent feelings of hopelessness
• Avoiding reminders of your loss to an extreme degree
• Feeling life is not worth living
• Inability to perform daily tasks
• Intense longing that doesn’t lessen with time

If this sounds like you—or someone you know—it’s important to reach out for professional help.

Final Thoughts: Grief on Your Own Timeline

So, how long does grief last? As long as it needs to.

It’s not a race. It’s not a linear path. It’s a winding, unpredictable journey that looks different for everyone. You may revisit stages, feel conflicting emotions at once, or be surprised by moments of joy in the midst of pain.

What matters most is that you give yourself permission to heal in your own time and in your own way—and that you remember you don’t have to do it alone.

If you’re walking through grief right now, know that it’s okay to take the time you need. And if you’re supporting someone who’s grieving, remember that your presence is more important than your words.

Want to go deeper?
If you are dealing with grief or know someone who is, you know how intense the emotions can be—and how important it is to have tools to process them. That’s why we created our new eBook: The Journey of Grief and Loss: Let the Healing Process Begin. Inside, you’ll find practical steps, comforting insights, and hope for the road ahead.

[Click here to learn more and get your copy.]

The post How Long Does Grief Last? The Real Timeline No One Talks About appeared first on CoachRev.