career and life coach Archives - CoachRev

Why Choose An End-Of-Life Coach?

Lee Atherton — Mon, 02 Jan 2023 15:00:50 +0000

Both an end of life coach and a psychologist (or other mental health practitioner) focus on promoting healthy behavior. Their goal is to improve their client’s quality of life. They are going to be the anchor of their client’s emotional journey.

Here is why you should choose an end-of-life coach. The key difference between the two is this. End of life coaching is the process of being with people who are dying or people who are mourning the loss of a loved one. The end-of-life coach affirms that what you are going through, that what you are experiencing on your unique journey is normal. You are assured that death and grief are an age-old normal and natural part of life.

On the other hand, a psychologist focuses on psychotherapy to treat diagnosed emotional and mental suffering in clients. This can and does include suffering from a terminal illness, coping with a loved one suffering from a terminal illness, or the death of a loved one. But a psychologist also deals with other life and mental health issues. They don’t get personal. They don’t see the raw picture. They have to be professionally objective to succeed. Your end-of-life coach will walk alongside you giving voice to your feelings, emotions, and experience.

Your coach will bear witness to a unique time of life that almost no one else does. In a safe, accepting, judgment free space you will be able to talk about whatever is on your mind, knowing that everything you share is completely confidential. There is no clinical diagnosis reported to your insurance company that far too often becomes a burden of negativity.

A psychologist comes from the perspective that you are broken and need fixing.

An end-of-life coach sees you as well and whole. You are simply a person who could be supported and guided by a partner to walk the journey with you.
Some of the topics you might explore with your coach include:

Have I lived my life well?
What do I still want to accomplish in the time that is left?
How do I want people to remember me?
What relationships do I want to mend before I die?
Who do I want to see one last time?
What do I want my loved ones to know?
Could I choose what I want in my funeral? And how do I let people know?
What have I left unsaid – and is that ok, or do I want to say it now?

You can learn more about CoachRev Lee and her approach by going to her website: www.coachrev.com

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Managing Loss When Your Life is Upside Down

Lee Atherton — Mon, 26 Dec 2022 17:56:02 +0000

We humans tend to have a pretty hard time with death and loss. Whether it’s our beloved, a job, our family home, or a pet we find ourselves shocked and grieving.

We wish there was no such thing as death; in fact, here in the Western world, we’re labeled a “death-denying” society. We ask, “Why?!” Perhaps a more curious question to ask would be “Why Not?” I have yet to know an adult who has not experienced a loss of some sort. Why do we feel exempt?

Everyone and everything dies. There is much to grieve.

Now, I’m not saying that the white waters of grief are calm, easygoing, carefree. Heck no!! Grief is anything but! Imagine holding on to a raft, racing down class 5 whitewaters – the fastest, most raging out there. You’re holding on to dear life! You don’t know whether your raft is going to make it, and if it does, will you still be in it!

I get it. I’ve been knocked to my knees over death. But I also have found something surprising on the other side. Dr. Agrios, a business breakthrough specialist calls this time, “life’s rejuvenation period… This is your Autumn. Even the most successful crops pass through autumn.”

Once the crop dies out, the farmers come along to clean up and clear out. They get rid of the dead branches, rake away the rotten leftovers, and carefully prune the branches. As Dr. Agrios says, “Why keep a dying branch? Why drain vital resources from the rest of the tree?”

When a loved one dies, we want to hold on tightly to the past, to the traditions, to things wishing that somehow he or she will return. We worry that if we let go, we are dishonoring our beloved, or casting their memory aside with all the rest. We become exhausted carrying a load that no longer serves us. We don’t eat well and sleep even worse. Life feels out of control.

But we DO have control. Every decision we make determines the direction of our life. After my brother died, and my family of origin declared that they were “done with me,” I grieved hard! There were so very many losses all wrapped up in that period of my life. I couldn’t work for almost two years. It wasn’t until I was able to let go of fairytale memories and beliefs and prune away the energy-draining branches of my family that new possibilities began to emerge.

They say hindsight is 20-20. I never could have imagined loving life the way I do. Life isn’t all a bed of roses, but it sure is better than it was for those two years.

We can never run from death and grief successfully. How do you deal with loss?

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The Community Advocate – Life Coach, Rev. Lee Atherton

Lee Atherton — Sun, 28 Feb 2021 23:02:21 +0000

Marlborough-based End-of-Life Coach Rev. Lee Atherton: Driven by Faith

Reverend Lee Atherton is a professional officiant and life coach. She offers highly personalized services for anyone facing one of life’s momentous transitions.
Inclusive and welcoming, Atherton believes that no matter who you are or where you are on life’s journey, you are welcome. An ordained minister and former hospice chaplain, she founded CoachRev @The CrossRoads nearly a decade ago to help others navigate and honor life’s transitions and milestones – meeting them at whatever crossroad in their lives.
“I will help guide your journey to discover what is most meaningful for you and for those you love,” Atherton explained, “before, during, and after death.”

Helping people live their dying

As a trained end-of-life coach, Atherton “helps people live their dying, make decisions and choices that honor their unique values and beliefs, and navigate the white waters of grief with hope and grace.”
Atherton remarks that her work is tremendously fulfilling. She calls it powerful. Amazing.
“It is such an incredible honor to be invited into someone’s end-of-life journey,” she added. “It is hard to put words around the experience.”
She coaches those grieving both in-person and online. Her monthly online newsletter “Stepping Stones” and daily emails (under the header “Tossed Pebbles”) offer messages of comfort, encouragement, and thoughtful reflection.

Workshops on the ‘Five Wishes’

Atherton also conducts workshops centered on the “Five Wishes” advanced medical directives and offers customized retreats, workshops, and webinars to support those grieving.
“It is so important to make these critical decisions in the living room, not the hospital room,” Atherton said.

Service dog Shadow – an integral partner

Atherton’s Black Lab service dog, Shadow, is an integral partner in the CoachRev team, helping others in desperate need.
Shadow accompanied Atherton last fall to visiting hours for a 21-year-old woman who had taken her life. There were people so shocked by this young woman’s passing they couldn’t speak or intermingle.
“Shadow senses anxiety and stress. He sat next to several guests and put his head on their laps. He helped them relax. They opened up to him about how they were feeling. That’s what I call a ‘God incident,’ when something bigger is at work.”

Atherton as Fire Chaplain

In her “spare” time, Atherton volunteers as a chaplain for the Hudson and Littleton Fire Departments is a member of the Massachusetts Corps of Fire Chaplains and serves on a Critical Incident Stress Management Crisis (CISM) team. CISM teams throughout the state and the country respond to first responders who have experienced a crisis.
Certified as a CISM response dog and an instrumental partner in the CoachRev team, Shadow is also present, helping firefighters and other first responders, as well as other individuals and family members touched by tragedy.

Methods of self-care

“Staying grounded has a lot to do with family and the outdoor world,” Atherton said, adding, “I love gardening, growing things, and watching the koi in my fishpond.
She advises others, “Take care of yourself in the midst of it all. Be aware of how you feel and what you need. Don’t be afraid to step back. Pause when you need that moment of stillness. Do things for yourself that will help keep your emotional well from running dry.”
Shadow would probably add if they haven’t already done so, discover the unconditional love of a pet.
To learn more about Lee Atherton and CoachRev @The CrossRoads, visit www.CoachRev.com or email Lee@CoachRev.com.

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CELEBRATING LOIS – FUNERALS AND LOLLIPOPS

Lee Atherton — Tue, 10 Nov 2020 21:31:44 +0000

Several years ago when I began working at AseraCare Hospice, I was introduced to an extraordinary woman named Lois. My colleague Judy knew her long before she had dementia and long before I began caring for her. She heard Lois, accompanied by a famous pianist, sing with grace, beauty and intensity. Her joy and passion in life were her music.

Lois and I

Many years had gone by the time Lois came into my life. Her pianist friend had passed away. She had long been sinking into a life where her memory no longer was true to her. She lost her ability to serenade her friends and family. But her love of music was just as strong as ever! I discovered that the best way to connect with Lois was to begin singing. Songs like the “Ole Time Favorites” of her day. “Oh, When the Saints Go Marching In”, “Yankee Doodle”, “Skip to my Lou” were just a few of the songs that would bring a smile to her face and her hands go clapping.

But the song that she responded to the most by far was “On the Good Ship Lollipop”. Until the end, she was able to join in humming her favorite tune, and on a good day, she would even be able to mouth a few of the words.

I was honored to be asked to officiate Lois’s memorial service, and because she brought joy to others in her music and in the way she lived her life, her family asked me to create a celebration of her life. And so I did. Many tears were shed that day, stories were told, laughter was shared. But the very best part as we closed the book of Lois’s life was the closing of her service. We all left the chapel dancing and singing “On The Good Ship Lollipop”! And you guessed it – we even gave out lollipops!!

Just as there is no right way to grieve, so there is no right way to write the final page. Creating a service that truly celebrates and honors your loved one will leave you with special memories to hold for a long time.

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AM I GOING CRAZY? NO, YOU’RE IN GRIEF

Lee Atherton — Wed, 04 Nov 2020 21:26:14 +0000

Grief is a natural reaction to losing an important person or thing. You may feel all kinds of emotions like you are going crazy! This might include sadness or loneliness. And you could experience it for many reasons. Could be the death of a loved one, a relationship ended, or you lost your job. Other life changes, like chronic sickness or a move to a new home, can also lead to grief.

Everyone grieves differently. But if you understand your emotions, take care of yourself, keep healthy habits, and seek support, you can heal.

The death of one we love leaves us feeling overwhelmed and our bodies react in many ways to that out-of-control feeling. You may feel like you’re “losing it” and wonder if your reaction is normal. Chances are it is. If you are concerned, reach out to your doctor, counselor, or a trusted friend.

Bodily Reactions to Grieving

These are some of the ways our bodies react to loss and mourning:

Chest pains or heart problems
Dry mouth
Fatigue
Dizziness
Empty feeling in the stomach
Feeling of “something stuck in my throat”
Headache
Inability to sleep
Sleeping all the time
Loss of sexual desire or having overly active sexual desire
Loss of weight or weight gain
Nausea and vomiting
Increased allergic reactions
Oversensitivity to noise
Purposeless activity
Hyperactivity
Shortness of breath
Trembling
Uncontrollable sighing and sobbing
Muscle weakness
Various gastrointestinal symptoms: constipation, diarrhea, or excessing gas

When you’re grieving, you could be tempted to try to numb your feelings with drugs, alcohol, food, or even more work. But be careful. These are temporary and probably unhealthy escapes that won’t make you heal faster or get better in the long run. Actually, they can lead to addiction, anxiety, depression, or even an emotional breakdown.

Instead of taking that route, why not try these things to help you come to terms with your loss and begin to heal:

Give yourself time. Acknowledge your feelings and know that grieving is a process.
Talk to others. Spend time with friends and family. Don’t isolate yourself.
Take care of yourself. Regularly exercise, eat healthily, and get enough sleep to stay healthy and energized.
Return to your hobbies. Take up activities that bring you joy.
Join a support group. Speak with others who are also grieving. It can help you feel more connected.

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GRAM’S BUSH – A YOUNG CHILD’S EXPERIENCE OF DEATH

Lee Atherton — Mon, 19 Oct 2020 21:25:37 +0000

I attended the funeral of a beloved Grandmother. One of her grandchildren, James, who is 6 years old, spent that last week of life with Gram. What an amazing gift they both received before her death!

Children and Experience of Death

We often try to avoid conversations about death and dying even though death happens just as often as the births we celebrate!

The best advice I have ever received was from Pastor Richard. He said, “Introduce your children to death early on, and it becomes just as natural as birth for them.” In August 1993, my mom received a terminal cancer diagnosis. His advice couldn’t have been more timely.

My children were only four, three, and two-year-old at the time. I brought them to the visiting hours held for a church member. They knew the person, but he wasn’t someone close to them. My oldest asked a few questions which I answered honestly and with age-appropriate detail. Afterward, I spoke with my children about their much-loved Gram who lived with us and who had recently received a terminal diagnosis.

We went to another wake and a funeral over the next year of people they knew. Each time they became more comfortable, not only with what they were seeing but also with how to behave and to respond.

My children also spent a lot of time with their Aunt Patty. She lived near a cemetery where they often went for afternoon walks together. She, too, spoke openly about where they were and what they were seeing.

A year later, when James was five, he asked if Gram would be buried in the cemetery. When we told him “no” and that Gram would be cremated, he was afraid we would forget her! After all, he had been told that headstones help us remember who is at the cemetery. It was then we decided it would be nice to plant a bush in our front yard in Gram’s memory when the time came.

Gram’s Death

Just two months later Gram died during the night. When I woke James up and told him, the first thing he said was, “Can we get Gram’s bush today?!”

It’s been almost 30 years since that special day. My children have told me how much they appreciate the ways I made death feel “normal” and “okay” for them. They still feel the same amount of grief as their friends do when someone special dies, but they aren’t afraid. They are comfortable in death’s midst.

The bush still lives at “home” where Gram and Pepere’s ashes are scattered. Each of her children has a shoot from that original American Cherry bush. The little stone boy statue we purchased for James, along with our bush, sits in my own front yard now, under the highlight of my garden, “Gram’s Bush.”

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