Have you ever asked yourself that question?
It is probably the one question that I’m most often asked.
For many people, grief is uncharted territory and can be very unsettling. Grieving the death of your loved one can feel so overwhelming that you may question your own sanity.
The loss of someone close to us can quickly turn our world into an unfamiliar place. Coping with what used to be routine becomes exhausting. The simplest task may seem daunting. The emotions are so strong and intense that those who are grieving often think they’re the only ones who feel that way, or that their feelings are wrong. I want to reassure you that you are not going crazy. The feelings you are having are normal responses to an abnormal event. Unless you plan to harm yourself or someone else, almost anything you feel is “normal.” You’re not crazy, and you’re not alone. By understanding this truth, we take our first steps toward living with our grief.
In her book, A Journey Through Grief: Gentle, Specific Help to Get You Through The Most Difficult Stages of Grief, Alla Reneé Bozarth, Ph.D. writes, “While you are grieving, your emotional life may be unpredictable and unstable. You may feel that there are gaps in your remembered experience…. You may alternate between depression and euphoria, between wailing rage and passive resignation…. If you’ve experienced loss and are hurting, it’s reasonable that your responses will be unreasonable.”
A few of the many experiences that may cause grievers to think they are going crazy include the following:
Utter Exhaustion and Confusion.
Little things we used to do without thinking, like mailing a letter, can easily become an all-day task. Getting a gallon of milk can seem monumental. The thought of getting dressed, driving a car, getting money, paying a cashier, carrying the gallon, driving home — just these thoughts alone, can leave a griever hungry for sleep.
Grief Knows No Schedule
In today’s world we have grown accustomed to scheduling just about every moment of life. Most of us own at least one organizer or appointment book. Yet grief is one thing that will never fit in an appointment square. You may find there are times when you are in the midst of a normal, pleasant activity and suddenly a wash of grief comes over you. Know that this is common and that grief can surface at any time, without notice.
Time Distortion
Not knowing what time, let alone what day it is, is not uncommon.
Crying and Sobbing
Sometimes your tears will seem uncontrollable.
Dreams
It is not uncommon to dream about the person who has died.
Obsessive Review
You find yourself needing to tell your story over and over again.
Transitional Objects
Embracing objects that belonged to your loved one can help comfort you.
Mystical Experiences
Odors and smells of the deceased (olfactory); seeing the deceased, or a form of the deceased (visual); hearing the voice of the deceased (auditory); or experiencing some kind of physical contact with the deceased (tactile) are symptoms of your mind trying to make sense of your loss.
All of these experiences are “normal” and are shared by many who are mourning. The truth is that very few grieving persons ever “go crazy” and rarely require psychiatric treatment. What they are experiencing is quite normal, and they will get better with the passage of time.
Wishing you peace and calm as you journey,
