“Am I going crazy?”
Have you ever asked yourself that question? It is probably the question I’m asked most often. For many people, grief is uncharted territory and deeply unsettling. The death of someone you love can feel so overwhelming that you begin to question your own sanity.
The loss of someone close can quickly turn the world into an unfamiliar place. What once felt routine becomes exhausting. Even the simplest tasks may feel daunting. Emotions can be so strong and intense that many grievers believe they are the only ones feeling this way — or that something is wrong with them.
I want to reassure you: you are not going crazy.
The feelings you are having are normal responses to an abnormal event. Unless you are planning to harm yourself or someone else, almost anything you feel is considered normal in grief. You are not alone. By understanding this truth, we take our first steps toward living with our grief.
In her book A Journey Through Grief: Gentle, Specific Help to Get You Through the Most Difficult Stages of Grief, Alla Reneé Bozarth, Ph.D. writes:
“While you are grieving, your emotional life may be unpredictable and unstable. You may feel that there are gaps in your remembered experience… You may alternate between depression and euphoria, between wailing rage and passive resignation. If you’ve experienced loss and are hurting, it’s reasonable that your responses will be unreasonable.”
Common Experiences That Can Feel Alarming
There are many experiences that can cause grievers to wonder if they are “going crazy.” These include:
Utter exhaustion and confusion
Tasks that once required little thought — mailing a letter, buying milk — can feel monumental. Simply imagining the steps involved can leave a griever utterly depleted.
Grief knows no schedule
Grief will never fit neatly into an appointment book. You may be enjoying a moment of normalcy when a sudden wave of grief arrives without warning. This is common.
Time distortion
Losing track of time — or even the day — is not unusual.
Crying and sobbing
Tears may come unexpectedly and feel uncontrollable.
Dreams
Many people dream about the person who has died.
Obsessive review
You may feel a strong need to tell your story again and again.
Transitional objects
Holding or embracing objects that belonged to your loved one can bring comfort.
Mystical experiences
Smelling familiar scents, sensing presence, seeing or hearing your loved one, or feeling physical sensations are ways the mind attempts to make sense of loss. These experiences are widely shared among mourners and are considered normal.
The truth is that very few grieving people ever “go crazy,” and most do not require psychiatric treatment. What they are experiencing is grief — and with time, it becomes more manageable.
Wishing you peace and calm as you journey,
Lee
