The image often referred to as “The Tangled Ball of Emotions,” described by H. Norman Wright, captures what grief feels like for many people.
Sometimes you may feel one or two emotions at a time.
Other times, it can feel as though all of them arrive at once.
They are tangled and mixed together, making it difficult to sort out exactly what you are feeling — or even to name it.
Grief emotions are unpredictable. One moment you may feel relatively steady, and the next you may find yourself crying uncontrollably. If this happens, please know that there is nothing wrong with you. This is a normal part of grieving.
At times, emotions can feel overwhelming or out of control. Facing them may leave you feeling numb, angry, exhausted, helpless, or confused. All of this belongs to grief. For the most part, no matter what you are feeling, it is okay.
The time to seek immediate help is if you feel like you might hurt yourself or someone else. Otherwise, even the most uncomfortable emotions are often part of the natural grieving process.
A Few Important Things to Remember About Emotions
Who you are is not defined by your emotions.
Feelings do not determine your character, your strength, or your worth.
Emotions come and go.
Even the most intense feelings tend to shift over time.
Feelings are not good or bad — they simply are.
They are signals, not judgments.
It is okay to feel sad and to cry.
Tears are one way the body releases grief.
It is also okay to feel happy, laugh, and have fun.
You cannot be sad all the time. Sometimes stepping away from the work of grieving — even briefly — is necessary and healthy.
It is okay to feel afraid.
You may worry about finances, daily responsibilities, or who will take care of certain things now. You may fear what the future holds, or worry about losing others you love. These fears are common. Talking with a trusted friend or family member about them can help ease the weight.
You may feel relief.
If death followed a long illness or a difficult situation, relief can arise. This can be hard to admit, but it is normal and does not diminish your love.
It is okay to feel disorganized or panicked.
Some people experience anxiety or panic attacks during grief. It is common to wonder, “Am I going crazy?” These feelings are typically temporary, though uncomfortable. Being near people you trust and sharing what you’re experiencing can help.
It is okay to feel nothing at all.
Numbness is one way your emotional self protects you from overwhelming shock. As Dr. Alan Wolfelt writes:
“Thank goodness for shock, numbness, and disbelief! These feelings are nature’s way of temporarily protecting you psychologically until you are more able to tolerate what you don’t want to believe.”
Expressing What You Feel
One of the most important things you can do is allow yourself to express your emotions freely. When feelings are suppressed, they often resurface later in more painful ways.
If you are unsure whether what you’re feeling is okay, or if emotions begin to feel unmanageable, reach out to your primary care provider, clinician, or CoachRev for guidance and support.
You do not have to sort through the tangled ball of emotions alone.
Wishing you peace and calm as you journey,
Lee
