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Living Your Dying

Lee Atherton — Mon, 06 Feb 2023 14:00:26 +0000

A conversation with your coach can help you prepare for life’s closing chapter.

“Baby boomers have changed the face of the U.S. population for more than 70 years and continue to do so as more enter their senior years, a demographic shift often referred to as a “gray tsunami.” (census.gov)

Data and research point to a “tsunami of humans nearing end of life” within the next two decades. In a world where our health care workers are increasingly burned out and leaving their jobs, the strain that this tsunami will put on health care resources is tremendous. Retirement communities and long-term care facilities already have waiting lists. The rising costs of healthcare are stripping what many retirees have tucked away for their “golden years.” As numbers of the “gray tsunami” rise, the quality of life as they near death decreases and gets more and more expensive.

Seventy-five percent of all money spent on health care occurs in the last three months of life while the quality of life is the worst we ever seen. Ninety-five percent of people say they prefer to die at home while 75% of people end up dying in hospitals or nursing homes.

When people talk about what is happening in our end-of-life culture today, we hear things like, “I don’t want to die that way. I want control of how I die. I want a loving and natural death. I’ll choose my own way out before I die like that.”

It is more important than ever to plan for life’s final chapter. Waiting too long means that we’ll be making critical decisions and choices when we’re more stressed, under pressure to decide in a moment of crisis. Or our ability to weigh the pros and cons and consider how our life-long values inform our choices has declined as we’ve aged.

Too often we leave our loved ones scrambling to make life and death decisions on our behalf. Siblings who once got along and enjoyed each other’s company find themselves not only at odds with each other, but often finding themselves in unreconcilable disagreements and broken relationships.

It is never too early to think about what we want our final months and days to be.

What are your spiritual wishes? What do you want your children to know? Do you want to be kept alive by all means possible? Or do you want to die in the comfort of your own home surrounded by the people and things most important to you? What do you imagine your funeral or life celebration to be like? Do you have a favorite song, or poem, or story you want shared?

Reach out to CoachRev Lee for guidance as you begin thinking about your Five Wishes, and having a conversation with your family about what you want as your life draws to a close.

Wish 1: The Person I Want to Make Care Decisions for Me When I Can’t. …
Wish 2: The Kind of Medical Treatment I Want or Don’t Want. …
Wish 3: How Comfortable I Want to Be. …
Wish 4: How I Want People to Treat Me. …
Wish 5: What I Want My Loved Ones to Know.

Email Lee @ Lee@CoachRev.com to find out when the next free workshop is scheduled.

And in the meantime – Live Today Like It Matters!!

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5 Reasons to Adopt A Pet

Lee Atherton — Tue, 10 Jan 2023 14:00:37 +0000

If you are a pet owner, then you already know how much benefit there is to be a pet owner. They add real joy, companionship, and unconditional love to name just a few!

For those of you wondering if bringing another family member into the house is really a good idea, here are 5 really good reasons! Pets can…

Reduce Stress – for you and your children

Especially in this post-pandemic world, stress is through the roof! According to the World Health Organization, over 80% of adults surveyed are feeling significant stress after the 2-year pandemic anniversary. The statistics for children and teens are even more alarming. Your pet has an innate ability to reduce stress. Adding a pet to your family can decrease the tension, arguments, anger, frustration, and more that come with increased stress. Studies also show that pets can lower our blood pressure and heart rate, and ease depression and loneliness.

Keep You Active

Not only are pets good at helping us manage our stress levels, but they also encourage us to be active and playful, and even improve our cardiovascular health. Some pets, like exuberant energy-filled puppies, force us to get up and be active. We can’t be a couch potato if Fido’s wagging tail is telling us to get up and get that leash! They give you a reason to get outside, and get some fresh air which is proven to improve your mood, your sleep, and your mental health.

Keep You Young

Pets can be especially helpful for older folks. Studies have shown that people who have pets tend to live longer than those who don’t. In a healthy aging survey, adults over fifty reported several benefits including these top three benefits:

They felt a deeper sense of purpose
They felt calmer and more peaceful
They experienced more social connection

Give Unconditional Love (and who doesn’t need that in this crazy world of 2022?!)

The emotional bond that we form with our pets is second-to-none. Some people form stronger bonds with their pets than they do with other humans. Dogs and humans who interact with each other get a jolt of oxytocin – the Love Hormone. Think about how your “best friend” reacts when you come home from work, even after a hard day that has left you grumpy. They are always happy to see us! Everyone needs that emotional connection. Pets love us unconditionally, and they never judge us. Pets also get the benefit of living in a loving environment for which, they return that love in abundance.

Make You Laugh!

I’ve heard it said that laughter is the best medicine. Did you know that smiling can boost your mood and happiness level? It sure does – even if it’s forced! Those crazy cat antics that abound on YouTube don’t let us down! A kitten’s and puppy’s playfulness are usually good for a laugh or two as well. I have a pet I call “Digger Dude.” He might be a shrimp; I’m not sure. But he is SO much fun to watch! This creature is always recreating the landscape of my aquarium and to watch it scurry back and forth moving mounds of pebbles and even pushing snails out of the way brings a smile to my face and makes me chuckle.

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GRAM’S BUSH – A YOUNG CHILD’S EXPERIENCE OF DEATH

Lee Atherton — Mon, 19 Oct 2020 21:25:37 +0000

I attended the funeral of a beloved Grandmother. One of her grandchildren, James, who is 6 years old, spent that last week of life with Gram. What an amazing gift they both received before her death!

Children and Experience of Death

We often try to avoid conversations about death and dying even though death happens just as often as the births we celebrate!

The best advice I have ever received was from Pastor Richard. He said, “Introduce your children to death early on, and it becomes just as natural as birth for them.” In August 1993, my mom received a terminal cancer diagnosis. His advice couldn’t have been more timely.

My children were only four, three, and two-year-old at the time. I brought them to the visiting hours held for a church member. They knew the person, but he wasn’t someone close to them. My oldest asked a few questions which I answered honestly and with age-appropriate detail. Afterward, I spoke with my children about their much-loved Gram who lived with us and who had recently received a terminal diagnosis.

We went to another wake and a funeral over the next year of people they knew. Each time they became more comfortable, not only with what they were seeing but also with how to behave and to respond.

My children also spent a lot of time with their Aunt Patty. She lived near a cemetery where they often went for afternoon walks together. She, too, spoke openly about where they were and what they were seeing.

A year later, when James was five, he asked if Gram would be buried in the cemetery. When we told him “no” and that Gram would be cremated, he was afraid we would forget her! After all, he had been told that headstones help us remember who is at the cemetery. It was then we decided it would be nice to plant a bush in our front yard in Gram’s memory when the time came.

Gram’s Death

Just two months later Gram died during the night. When I woke James up and told him, the first thing he said was, “Can we get Gram’s bush today?!”

It’s been almost 30 years since that special day. My children have told me how much they appreciate the ways I made death feel “normal” and “okay” for them. They still feel the same amount of grief as their friends do when someone special dies, but they aren’t afraid. They are comfortable in death’s midst.

The bush still lives at “home” where Gram and Pepere’s ashes are scattered. Each of her children has a shoot from that original American Cherry bush. The little stone boy statue we purchased for James, along with our bush, sits in my own front yard now, under the highlight of my garden, “Gram’s Bush.”

Enjoy? Share with your friends

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HOW WILL YOU LIVE YOUR DYING?

Lee Atherton — Tue, 18 Aug 2020 21:24:24 +0000

One of the most difficult messages to hear from your medical practitioner is “This is a terminal illness. You only have a limited time to live.” How do you want to live the time you have left? Do you have a bucket list? Who do you want to visit with again? What relationships need mending? Where do you want to live? How do you want to be cared for? What do you want your family to know? How will you tell them? Do you want to die at home or in a hospice house or hospital? When the end draws near how do you want your pain managed?

These are only some of the questions many people find themselves suddenly asking. Often there isn’t an easy place to turn for help finding your answers. You may wish to consider an End-of-Life Coach.

Your coach will help you live your ending as fully and meaningfully as possible. He or she provides a safe place for you to

explore possibilities and begin to answer the “tough questions”
help you talk to your family and friends about your needs and wishes
tell your story
learn about normal grieving – even when it feels like that roller-coaster
cry, laugh, be angry
express your doubts and fears
freely share with no judgment or self-censorship

The role of an End of a Life coach is one of honor and privilege. If you have questions or would like to talk to Lee, click here.

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