Living Our Dying: A Conversation About Love, Loss, and Purpose

Not long ago, I had the joy of joining the One Conscious Love Network for a conversation about the work I feel most called to do, end-of-life and grief coaching. What unfolded was less of an “interview” and more of a heart-to-heart about love, life, and the ways we can make even death sacred.

Before we began recording, she let me know the questions she’d ask, including, “What does One Conscious Love mean to you?” I had no idea how I’d answer until we got to that part of the interview.

How would you answer? Comment below – I’d love to hear!

Joining the Journey of Life and Death

When people ask me what I do, it’s never a short answer. I wear many hats:

• I am an end-of-life and grief coach, walking with individuals and families through the tender seasons of dying and mourning.
• I am a first responder chaplain, showing up on some of life’s hardest days.
• I am a service dog owner and advocate, having experienced firsthand how service dogs can save lives. That passion has grown into founding Phoenix Rising, a nonprofit dedicated to connecting people with life-saving service dogs.
• And I am an ordained minister in the United Church of Christ, where—through a series of what I call “God-incidences”—I now serve a congregation that itself has known profound loss.

At first glance, these roles may seem scattered. But in truth, they are all about the same thing: helping people live fully—whether that’s in the midst of new possibilities, heartbreaking loss, or at the threshold of death itself.

Living Your Dying

One of the phrases I use often is that I help people “live their dying.” Too often, when someone hears the words “terminal diagnosis” or begins hospice care, it feels like the end. As if all that’s left is waiting. But dying is still living.

I once worked with a man in his early forties who went from feeling he was in perfect health on Christmas Day to a stage four cancer diagnosis by New Year’s Eve. He had only months left to live. In our conversations, he shared regrets and hopes—wishing he could reconcile with his estranged children, meet his favorite author, and go fishing one last time.

Together, we made those wishes happen. His children forgave and embraced him. The author came to visit. And, a week before his death, we loaded him into an ambulance for that final fishing trip.

That is what I mean by living our dying: not ignoring death, but filling the time that remains with meaning, reconciliation, and love.

Grief in Community

End-of-life coaching doesn’t stop at the bedside. Grief ripples outward. It touches children, parents, friends, coworkers, and entire communities.

I have sat with ninety-four-year-olds whose entire retirement community grieved them like family. I’ve worked with employers who wanted to know how best to support staff after the loss of a colleague.  And I have helped children learn, gently and naturally, that death is part of life, so that when their own loved one died, they were not walking into it unprepared and terrified.

Even pet loss, so often dismissed, can cut deeply. I’ve led groups where people could honor that grief without shame. Because love is love—and grief is grief.

Death Is Not the Enemy

If there is one message I wish the whole world could hear, it’s this: death isn’t scary. We’ve made it scary, but it doesn’t have to be.

Humans have always died. Families and communities have always found ways to make death sacred. My hope is to help people reclaim that sense of presence and meaning at life’s end—to make dying not just something we endure, but something we live.

One Conscious Love

At the close of our conversation, I was asked a big question: What does “One Conscious Love” mean to you?

For me, it comes down to this: love is all.

I have a colleague who replaces the word “God” with “Love” whenever she prays or reads scripture or preaches. And she’s not wrong. Across religions, cultures, and human longing, the thread that ties us together is love.

To live with “one conscious love” is to ask: How am I bringing love into the world today? How am I shaping my little corner of the universe with compassion, presence, and care?

That, I believe, is the invitation for all of us—whether in life, in dying, or in grief.

If you’d like to connect with me—whether for end-of-life coaching, grief support, or simply to continue the conversation—you can reach me [here].

Together, may we keep learning how to live, how to die, and how to love.

Wishing you all much peace!

You can learn more about Melanie Vanhawk and Once Conscious Love [here].